This is the second morning in a row that I’ve been awake before 10 AM. For those of you who have jobs that might seem a little indulgent, but I had one of those for over 30 years and now I get up when I damned well please. Unless I inexplicably wake up early. Then the indulgence turns to sorrow and disjointed thoughts.
When I first woke up I kept having potential blog topics running through my head. Snippets that were totally unrelated. For instance, I experienced a bit of guilt about providing so many Walter posts and never giving any blog space to my cats. But then I let myself off the hook because, after all, the cats are normal pets and Walter is not. Not by a long shot…
Then I thought about discussing this very unusual boat we are getting. Do we get a normal boat? Hell, no! But that’s a post for another time. Maybe I’ll do that in a few minutes if I don’t get sleepy. If sleep doesn’t appear soon, I’ll be a grumpy, sleep-deprived zombie whack job when I write it, so be prepared. Preparations should include an appropriate hiding place, preferably one with coffee. Mmmm coffee. That’s what I want right now but shouldn’t have because I really do want to sleep and cease becoming a grumpy, sleep-deprived zombie whack job. Who am I kidding? If I get more sleep I’ll just be a slightly less grumpy zombie whack job who is well-rested.
My next potential topic concerned my obsession with a cell phone game rated for ages 4+. Stop judging me! It’s perfectly normal to wait impatiently while my flowers grow and watch for some sort of weird bug/creature to appear. *checks game* Why do I wait for weird bugs on virtual flowers? It’s because collecting enough of them can get you spiffy prizes. These include outfits I can use to dress my character and furniture I can use to decorate a little campsite. *checks game* I am currently behind in my bug collecting and I might not make my quota before tonight and then I will miss out on getting that sandalwood resort hut. It doesn’t matter that it will probably sit in my virtual inventory and never be used, I want it. I want it bad. I don’t just want it, I NEED it!
It occurs to me that not having a schedule might be deleterious to my Age 4+ mind. I don’t care. I’m going to get that damned sandalwood resort hut if I have to haunt my phone constantly until 2 AM because that’s when the bugs go away and my chance of getting my NEEDED sandalwood resort hut is gone like a bird on a boat potentially bringing me snacks. Yeah, it’s a strange game and it really is early in the morning for me, isn’t it?
************************************
*This blog has now been interrupted while Walter howls at horses.* Yes, this is happening real-time. Did I make this up? No. If I had made it up, it would be the start of a Walter post. Since I am currently a coffeeless, sleep-deprived zombie whack job, I will resist writing another post about Walter, even though horse-howling is a rather interesting topic and does deserve to be explored. Maybe later…
************************************
Back to irregularly scheduled programming. *checks game* I went to a wedding reception yesterday. How was that for a non-existent seque? Get used to it, there will be more. The reception was a casual affair hosted by the blissful couple at a cottage on a lake in the middle of a savage thunderstorm. I had cake.
What do you all know about docks? *checks game* We have to get one for the weird boat and I’m a dock virgin so there are many questions. I was reading about mooring whips and water agitators and started to fantasize about becoming a dock virgin pond dominatrix.
************************************
Yet another Walter interruption. He has traded in his howling for whining. There is a Golden Retriever down the road. Even though said retriever can barely be seen, except by him, it doesn’t matter. The whining continues. Horse-howling is a distant memory.
************************************
*boof* I promise, I’m not even going to give Walter his own paragraphs anymore because he’s just indiscriminately boofing at a spot where a Golden Retriever was…and is not anymore. *checks game* Golden Retrievers are like that. They have the nerve to move out of Walter’s view, and apparently, that is boof-worthy. *checks game* Oooh, I got some bugs and a white beach dress as a prize!* Thirty-four bugs to go! *boof*
Wow! Did you know that you can get a water-agitating, muck-removing thingmabob? Neither did I. I know this subject just randomly popped up but I think it’s important to know that The Aquasweep Muck Blaster starts at only $1195! I cannot make this stuff up. *boof* Maybe my potential as a pond dominatrix could be achieved if I got a muck-blasting water agitator. It does sound sufficiently painful, don’t you think?
*boof..bark…howl* I wish I could put videos here. That sound combination is YouTube gold. It’s not often I get a threefer from Walter. It’s usually one sound or another, but we have now reached trifecta status in the dog noise emission category this morning. Stand by for farts. That’s the only dog noise emission left. Other dog emissions are not allowed. If he pees on the sofa again there will be whimpering, and I hate whimpering before coffee.
*low growl boof* Hey, that’s new. Walter never ceases to amaze me. Oh damn, I am actually giving him another paragraph when I promised I wouldn’t. Oh well, you’d better let me off the hook on this one. Keep in mind that I’m a pond dominatrix and I can moor-whip you into submission regarding Walter paragraph promises. If the moor-whipping isn’t sufficient, I’ll get out the Aquasweep Muck Blaster and then you’ll be sorry!
I feel guilty for wishing sleep deprivation on you, but it does make for very entertaining reading.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m glad you thought so. 🙂 I always love it when you stop by.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my! Walter has a screw (or two) loose and you my friend, you crack me up! My mind races like that when I first get up in the morning. Too bad my body can’t do the same. I’m up until 2am most nights so I get up about 9 or 9:30 in the morning. People judge. They think I’m just lazy. Up theirs! Your posts are always so amusing! Keep it up! 💜
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yeah, everyone thinks I’m lazy for sleeping from 2-10 or 11. You know what? They’re right, but I’ve earned! ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s not being lazy though! That’s 8 hrs., the norm for most people.
LikeLiked by 1 person
most people…humph! Who wants to be ‘most people?’ haha!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You know I am for the Walter posts I can get. I love that crazy boy. Sleep deprivation can make you crazy…you crack me up. I love these post! Hugs my friend!!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Haha, glad you liked it. Walter is quite the character. At least I can say that about him.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I do hope you can sleep Linda! I have trouble all the time, getting enough zzzs!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Lol That’s because you are the hyperactive type!!!!!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Not even a little bit! I wish I were, I’d get a lot more done. You, my dear, are the hyperactive one!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I wish! Really it’s the damn hot flashes keeping me up 🔥 😳
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ahh, I get those too but they’ve never really bothered me heatwise. It’s the sweating that gets embarrassing!
LikeLiked by 2 people
It so weird, the only time I don’t have hot flashes is when I am exercising! Unfortunately, I do have to stop at some point! Can’t be moving 24/7 😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Now I get it! When you are climbing all of those crazy cliffs you are really running away from hot flashes! It all becomes clear….
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wish it worked that way 🤣
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks! I slept ok this morning and took a wee nap this evening. I should be good to go for a while! 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hey Linda, I hear you. I am an owl too. I shamelessly wish you won’t get sleep tonight/tomorrow morning so you will write that blog post about Walter. You and your Great Dane are so amusing. Lol P.S. Do you still have that pic you took of me lying on the sidewalk? I would like to use it for a post if you don’t mind.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Haha, I promise I will write the post about Walter. He is the most popular subject for my blog, that’s for sure. Of course I still have THOSE pics of you on the sidewalk. Oh yes, I have more than one. And here I thought I could use them to bribe you with one day but here you are making them public and taking all of that away. Hahaha!!! I’ll email them to you.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks. I got them. Funny thing is that I wrote almost the exact same thing in my post. Lol We are so align. ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! We are! ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love your transitions 🙂 ” . . . savage thunderstorm. I had cake.” You can’t teach that in humor writing. It just comes naturally–still laughing–very fun post. Cheers!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Aww thanks. They teach humor writing? I suppose they teach everything these days. I liked that line, too. Not everyone would pick up on that disjointedness, so I am really pleased that you did.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is brilliant Linda 🙂
Always love a Walter post, even if he is only hijacking them!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha, and he always does, doesn’t he?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Indeed. Reminds me I must hide my ipad before Molly visits next week or she will be posting again. Don’t know how she manages with those paws.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I swear they use their nails to type and manage to keep the paw pads out of the way. At least that’s how I imagine it. Walter’s keeping mum.
LikeLike
I suspect you are right. Only other option would leave giveaway wet-nose-prints😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sleep is overrated! Keep these hilarious posts going. I love this line ” . . . savage thunderstorm. I had cake.”
Truthfully, I loved it all. Oh and since a live Panda is out of the question for Walter…I think he needs a cute cuddly one from Amazon.
LikeLiked by 1 person
He has two bushel baskets filled with toys (no joke) but he tends to run around with my throw pillows. I guess they are more his size! Although, he has an Underdog toy that talks and loves that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awww, Underdog! Love him.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me, too. And Walter, doubly so. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aah waking at the delicious crack of noon…u still on pokemon go ??
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haven’t done Pokemon Go in ages. How about you?
LikeLike
No long done…too much effort 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Did you get your sandalwood resort hut? (Sounds like animal crossing pocket camp to me) Loved this post. A mind can do interesting things when sleep deprived. LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
I did get my sandwood resort hut and you are right, it is animal crossing pocket camp. I’ve always said it’s relaxing but that sandalwood resort hut is making me think twice about that! Do you play?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I did when it first came out, but life kind of got in the way. My daughter and I both play the versions on the Nintendo systems (wii for me and switch for her) I agree it can be a relaxing game until you try to find that elusive prize. Who knows maybe the thought of a sandalwood resort would make me pick it up again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Let me know if you do and we’ll exchange friend codes. Always need friends when exchanging flowers/bugs, etc. What has my life become when I write a sentence like that?
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL will do!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I got sucked in again with the Hello Kitty stuff this week… my friend code it 0478 5575 928. See you around town, LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sent a request, it will come through as paprpushr. Hope I sent it to the right person!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah! You are friends with Salli-Jo now!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yay! Now we can exchange bugs…that sounded so wrong for anyone who doesn’t play. We can ‘talk’ on messenger maybe or via email?
LikeLike