Over the Hill on the Yellow Brick Road, I passed an Assisted Living Center. I wondered who might live there. A ham and cheese sandwich came out and cried, “Welcome! I’m Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother!” I tried to respond with sensitivity…
Uh, actually, I think you’re a ham and cheese sandwich. You might be just a tad confused.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Ah ha ha. I can see why you’d say that. But I AM Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother. I just had an unfortunate mishap. I combined two different spells as an experiment and accidentally turned myself into ham and cheese on rye.
Oh. Of course.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: I’m not going to stress over it. I have my health. That’s what matters.
Well…but…aren’t you going to turn yourself back into a Fairy Godmother?
FAIRY GODMOTHER: The problem is, I can’t remember how to do it right now. I can’t recall which two spells I combined. I’m having a senior moment.
Sometimes I can’t remember little things, too. It’s so annoying and upsetting when I can’t recall names of movie actors… or internet passwords…or names of people I went to school with.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Same here. But I try not to let it interfere with my creative process. I’m still an artistic soul.
I admire that. You know, I’ve been in creative meetings at my job when people realize I’ve already mentioned an idea… but I don’t remember I’ve said it before. It’s embarrassing. I feel like quitting. I think I’m too old to be there.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Hogwash. I don’t let that stuff hold me back. It is what it is. I remind myself I bring a lot to the table. And other people might not have the same assets I do.
I wish I had your confidence.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: You just have to take a deep breath and remember to look at your whole being. And if you have a shortcoming because of your age, figure out a way to make it work for you.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Well, for example, if one of my original magic spells is dated, I come up with a replacement that others might not have imagined.
Which one of your spells is dated?
FAIRY GODMOTHER: I’ve noticed not many people want to turn pumpkins into coaches these days. I did that for Cinderella to get to the ball, but now it’s old-fashioned. So instead of feeling like a useless fairy, I let my imagination run wild and created a new spell. Now I turn microwaves into self-driving limousines.
I’d ride in one of those any day.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Thank you! Then you’ll like this one! People don’t want glass slippers with high heels anymore—like the kind I made for Cinderella. The whole “suffer for beauty” thing is dying out. So I designed a glass sneaker with memory foam.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Thank you again! You know, I’d love to talk more, but I have to meet Old Mother Hubbard in the dining room. She’s saving me a seat at her table for dinner.
Okay, sure. But before you go, if you don’t mind that I’m asking, aren’t you just a little concerned about remaining a ham and cheese sandwich for the rest of your life? What if you never remember how to turn yourself back?
FAIRY GODMOTHER: I’ve got it covered. At the stroke of midnight, all my spells end. I always turn back into whatever I was before.
I guess SOME old spells are still the best.
The piece can be anything that is humorous. A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.
Send your submission to Linda at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll pop you right in the schedule.