Guest in Jest #2 Simply So

Hi, I’m Sherron, from the South, and I am a bookaholic.

I currently have my dream job, which is freelance editing. —More to read!

My mother is also an avid reader like me so we’ve always shared books back and forth. Now with the digital age we share a nook account. Works out great. She buys some, I buy some, and we both get to read without mailing the books to each other.

Recently, I was trying to get into the B&N account to add a couple of books to our library. My password didn’t work. Repeatedly. I can’t change it because they wanted to email something to my mother’s email.

I remember she’d recently had a complete computer apocalypse, and had been forced to change some passwords that only the old computer had known. I thought maybe B&N was one of them.

I email; she sends the password. Funny, it’s the old one, the one I thought I’d tried. Nonetheless I look up the book again, and try to log in to buy it. Password denied. S L O W L Y, typing each letter one at a time, I re-enter and I’m again denied. I call my mother to make sure she hadn’t changed it. She’s sure. She reads it off to me one letter at a time so I can type it in while she’s on the phone with me. She says a letter and I say it as I type it. A–A, B–B, C–C…and so on to the end. I press enter and get my old familiar response. Either the email or the password is wrong, and we know the email is correct, I can see it.

Sighing with the burden of having to make sacrifices for your children, Mom says, “Well I’m logged in. I’ll go and reset the password but I’m resetting it to the same one.

“Great!” I say.

She mutters each step as she does it: getting into her account, proving again that she’s the owner, deleting the “old” password and entering a new one (the same one). She ends with, “Okay, I’m done. Try it now.”

“It’s a miracle!” I say. “I’m in.”

The rest of the story:

I’m finally in because while she had been busily resetting things for me, I had finally looked up to the top of the screen. All this time I had been determinedly typing the Barnes & Noble password into Amazon’s ID box. I quickly changed over to the correct bookstore, and voila! Piece of cake. I just let my mother believe that the resetting had done it and we hung up. Sorry Mom. At least it’s a funny story?

My blog (www.SoSimplySO.com) has posts about writing and editing, and poetry, interspersed with stories from my life, which are often funny and occasionally maudlin.

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Please join us in our Guest of Jest series.

Here are the rules:

  1. Tell us a bit about yourself, including where you are from.
  2. Give us some info about your blog.  Make sure to add your link to it.
  3. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
  4. Pictures optional, but encouraged.
  5. The post can be one that has been posted before.
  6. Reblog if you would like.  Please link back here, if you do.

The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

Just email Linda at mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com with a submission and you will be scheduled for publication in order of submission.  This series will run every Friday on mainepaperpusher.wordpress.com 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  The Diary of a Weird Teen Boy 

 

Humph Day! #0

My dear friend Nel at Reactionary Tales just sent me a message wondering where I have been.  She said it was unusual for me to be MIA for so long.  This was odd because I just posted The Hamster Wheel of Introversion on Wednesday.  Confusion ensued.

Come to find out, every time I posted something I had started a few days or weeks ago, the published date didn’t update to when it’s posted.  Instead, it retains its original draft creation date.  I updated it today.  I had no idea this was happening until Nel went searching for me and found me under a rock created entirely of ignorance.  It’s a BIG rock.

I have decided that since I have 90 posts under my belt and many of them have probably never seen the light of day by at least some of you, I will create a new series called Humph Day!  every Wednesday from now on.   I’m humphing at myself for my ignorance and anything with a “hump” in it seems like it is screaming to be posted on a Wednesday.

My apologies to many of you who missed some of my posts.  Also, my apologies to those of you who had already seen my posts and now are being deluged (once a week) with reruns.

I also apologize to those of you who have recognized that I have maligned hamsters everywhere by announcing that they have had a “p” when in fact they do not.  Not to say that some hamsters might head for the loo every now and again, but they are certainly NOT hampsters.  Maybe I was confusing them with hipsters.  Damn it, now I have a vision of a hipster hampster and it just won’t go away!  I’m going to crawl down under my BIG rock of ignorance now.

Rest assured, you will still see fresh material here and also the weekly Guest in Jest series on Fridays.  Now I get to add Humph Day! every Wednesday.  Please ignore any and all of these posts at will.  There is plenty of room here under my BIG rock of ignorance.  You can join me here for a drink in lieu of reading my stuff.  You know what they say: “Ignorance is bliss.”   If that’s true, then I’m as blissful as a hipster hamster.

The Hamster Wheel of Introversion

 

I am an introvert.  There, I said it.  I say it almost apologetically because we are maligned in this extrovert’s world.  I don’t say that with malice, it’s just that we are misunderstood.  We are misunderstood mostly because we are standing over there ======>>>>>  alone.

You see, I like living in my own head.  It’s comfy there and I’ve decorated it to match my personality.  Extroverts don’t understand this.  Extroverts like parties.  I do not do well at parties.  For example:

When I can’t avoid going to a party I am much more likely to be playing with the dog than talking to the people.

Sometimes I seek the dog out so I can extricate myself from a conversation.

When I’m trying to extricate myself from a conversation I  don’t make eye contact, except with the dog,  and that makes me seem aloof.

If I succeed in extricating myself from a conversation I seem aloof.

Failing to extricate myself from a conversation makes me want to run screaming from the room.

When I refrain from running screaming from the room and try to tough it out as best I can,  I sometimes seem aloof.

Oh geez, do I always seem aloof?

Maybe I should go somewhere else and seem aloof.

I could go over there ===> and seem aloof…by myself.

I start to feel self-conscious because others think I’m aloof…when I’m not.

I still want to run screaming from the room but I’ve found that it garners more attention.  And we all know I don’t want that!  Someone might want to comment on it and then I’m back to trying to extricate myself from a conversation.

And then the process repeats until…to be honest I don’t know when it will stop repeating.  I think I’m doomed to a life of seeming aloof while talking to the dog trying to extricate myself from a conversation so I can avoid running screaming from the room.  I’m on the hampster wheel of introversion and the party people are keeping me from escaping the cage.  All of this so we can engage in more *shudder* small talk.

Well, that train of thought certainly took on a life of its own, didn’t it?

A fair number of bloggers I’ve met here on WordPress consider themselves to be introverts.  I thought it would be fun to hear about some introverted traits of others.  We can compare notes.  Give each other pointers and tips.  Perhaps some suggestions for good running-screaming-from-the-room shoes.

So please chime in and comment on things you do, or how you live your life because you’re an introvert.  If you happen to be an extrovert, you are not left out of this little inquiry.  The extroverts can comment on introverted traits they have observed in others. 

This is going to be fun!

 

Guest In Jest superwifeandmummy

Vitae in Verse
Write a guest post,
make sure that it’s funny.
Well, I’ll give you funny,

on that put some money!

I’m writing in verse
because some may not know –
I am quite the poet,

as good poets go.

I’m a blogger, a mummy
and a hot, gorgeous wife-
Enjoying my toddler – filled,

Wonderful life.

I grew up in Birmingham (NOT Alabama)
The one that’s in England

and a real snoozorama.

I then moved to Cyprus,
The Island of Love-
And cursed and bemoaned

to the heavens above.

At first I was glum,
as teenagers are,
But school soon gave me choir,

theatre and Literature.

Uni then followed,
back in the UK ,
And I blossomed in singing

and performing all day.

My writing
and sharp analytical mind,
grew and became

of the flourishing kind.

Soon I moved back
to the scorching, hot clime ,
where I sang and I wrote,

and perfected my rhymes.

A few years passed,
I thought I was lost,
Drowning in sorrow,

Betrayal, mistrust.

Then out of the blue
(clichéd metaphors aside)

My future stepped out of the Larnaca* tides.

My hubby- to – be
Swept me right off my feet –
A truly heavenly,

Serendipitous meet.

Fast forward a few, well 13 great years
– the passing of which

brings me almost to tears.

The news I was preggy
came sent from above,
We took flight to England,

Emboldened with love.

Our beautiful Angel
was born shortly after,
and simply keeps filling us

with love and laughter.

So what shall I do?
I thought
(amid milk and nappies )

That will nurture my talent and keep my brain snappy?

“A blog!” cried the Muses!
“To splurt out your words,
Your Thoughts, rantings and poems

Will draw in the herds!”

So here I am now,
blogging away,
loving my family

more everyday.

Writing for me
and for your sheer delight,
And I think that these Verses

spoke for me, just right.

Love to all!

Maria (The Super Wife and Mummy )  superwifeandmummy

*Larnaca is a seafront town in Cyprus where I met my husband
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Please join us in our Guest of Jest series.

Here are the rules:

  1. Tell us a bit about yourself, including where you are from.
  2. Give us some info about your blog.  Make sure to add a link to it. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud funny,” but a bit of humor would be great.
  3. Pictures optional, but encouraged.
  4. The post can be one that has been posted before.
  5. The last rule is the most important one.  If you don’t like the previous rules, then write whatever you want.  🙂

Send your submissions to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and I’ll get you scheduled in order of submission.

The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

The featured image was created by Silas at  The Diary of a Weird Teen Boy 

Knitted Knockers

Have you ever come across a phrase that you thought was drop-dead funny and then realized it was totally serious?  That was my reaction to Knitted Knockers.

I know, it sounds weird, but let me tell you a little bit about it.

It all started in a Winslow, Maine parking lot.  I don’t think there are oodles of things that start in Winslow, Maine parking lots, but I might be wrong.  There could be a crazy number of things happening in Winslow, Maine parking lots.  Many of them are probably rather suspect, but this interaction was more amusing…at first.  Then it became intriguing.

I was sitting in the car while Bill was having an acupuncture treatment.  Or a BACKupucnture treatment, as he likes to call them.  Bad back, silly puns; that’s my Bill.

Back to the parking lot…

There was a gal in the car next to me who appeared to be doing some sort of needlework.  Being the curious knitter I am, I asked what she was working on.  She said she was crocheting fake boobs!  What the heck?

There is actually an organization called Knitted Knockers.  Now I was amused AND impressed at the same time.  Whoever came up with the name of the organization was brilliant.

 

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The more I talked to this very engaging lady, the more impressed I was.  I remember my Mom dealing with a prosthetic that was heavy and almost intolerable after her surgery.  If cancer isn’t enough to bear, women have to be uncomfortable if they don’t want to appear “unbalanced.”  I appear unbalanced at the best of times but no one has a prosthetic for that type…yet!  Maybe there should be an organization called Knitted Knoggins.  Yeah, that would be right up my alley!

Anyhow, back to the parking lot…

I must have had a curious look because this very nice woman went on to explain the ins and outs of Knitted Knockers.  I know it’s serious, but I still can’t say, or even think about that name without a chuckle.

 

Go to www.knittedknockers.org   and you will learn all sorts of things about this very impressive organization:

If you want to crochet or knit a Knocker or 2 or 10 or ?  Please go to the same website and you will be provided with patterns and information on how to help.  Then you will be a Knitted Knocker knitter.  I just can’t help myself.  The alliteration alone should be worth doing a bit of knitting or giving a donation.

If you have family, a loved one, a friend, a distant acquaintance, ANYONE who needs this type of item, please have them visit  www.knittedknockers.org

Any breast cancer survivor will be provided with a Knocker free of charge.  FREE KNOCKERS!

How do you get the right size?  These things are ingenious in that they can be stuffed as much or as little as you need.  Brings a whole new meaning to stuffing one’s bra, doesn’t it?

So now you know why my interaction in the parking lot was so inspiring.  I always like to hear about an organization that provides support for those who need it.  That was an unintentional pun, I’m so sorry.

You never know who you will meet in a Winslow, Maine parking lot.  You certainly never know what they might be doing there.  I was lucky enough to meet the inspiring Michele Thornley.  If every organization had an advocate like Michele, this would be a much better world.

 

 

The Case of the Chadded Files

I used to work in an office with some really fun people.  It wasn’t unusual to joke around, and every once in a while that involved a prank.

One of the best pranks was inflicted on a coworker who was extremely tidy.  I mean over-the-top- tidy.  His desk was set up just so.  Never anything out of place.  Things lined up in straight angles.  It was pretty amazing, looking back on it.

I don’t remember what precipitated this prank but he must have done something that incited such behavior.  I mean we wouldn’t have done it with no provocation.  Were my fingers crossed behind my back as I said that?  Ummm, now that I’ve uncrossed my fingers, I’ll continue my tale.

It was decided that the prank would prey on his tidy behavior.  We took everything off his desk and replaced it with a mirror image.  Everything was placed exactly as he had it, to the exact millimeter and degree, only backward.

Then I got a marvelous idea.  The mirror-image desk was not a prank big enough to pay him back for whatever imaginary slight he might have committed.  Oh no, I had to go one step further.

First off, did you know that the circles of paper that come out of a paper punch are called chads?  I didn’t either till I started to write this post.  Then I remembered the hanging chads from the 2000 presidential election and I almost couldn’t go on.  Now that the sadness subsided, I’ll resume my story.  Back to the office…

I opened his file drawer and not surprisingly, there were his files.  They were color-coded AND alphabetical.  I still don’t know how he pulled that off.  Anyhow, I went through his folders and liberally sprinkled chads into each.  I emptied the entire paper punch and it was snowing paper.  I made sure not a single piece was in sight when I was done.

The next morning, those of us who were part of this prank were lying in wait.  He walked in, took one look at his desk and immediately blamed the usual suspects.  He honed in on our boss. To be sure, she was not above such shenanigans, and she did give a great deal of input into this caper, but she had nothing to do with my paper punch scheme.

Once he got his computer moved back, and the rest of his desk in order, he sat down to begin his day.  He reached into his file drawer.  He opened a file and a cloud of chads wafted down to his desk, his lap, and the floor surrounding him.

There were curses.  Then he bellowed “Who did this!!!!?”  I looked at him calmly and said: “I did.”  He didn’t believe me.  It didn’t matter how adamant I was, he was sure I didn’t do it.  It had to be one of the “troublemakers.”  I was not one of the usual jokesters, so I was above suspicion.

He found more and more chads over the course of the next few days.  Finally, it was too much.  He couldn’t take it anymore.  Wondering if this folder, or that one, would have a terrible papery surprise started to take its toll.  It sent him over the edge.  Finally, in a fit of desperation, he took out every single file folder and removed the contents.  He went through every piece of paper because the chads were between the sheets.  He totally deconstructed his files.  It was at that point that I knew I was capable of true evil.

Evil I might be, but to this very day,  I am sure he is convinced that our boss chadded his files.

Guest in Jest Submissions

It’s time to get those submissions in for our soon-to-be regular Guest in Jest post.  This will be a weekly thing if we have enough interest.

Here are the rules:

  1. Tell us a bit about yourself, including where you are from.
  2. Give us some info about your blog.  Make sure to add a link to it.Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud funny,” but a bit of humor would be great.
  3. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
  4. Pictures optional, but encouraged.
  5. The post can be one that has been posted before.
  6. The last rule is the most important one.  If you don’t like the previous rules, then write whatever you want.  🙂

That’s it.  The idea is that we learn a bit about our fellow bloggers and their blogs.  I love knowing where everyone lives and a bit about their lives.  As for the funny part, it can be anything.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

Participants, hereafter known as Jesters, will be scheduled for publication in order of submission.  If I don’t get any submissions, I have nothing to schedule.  If I have nothing to schedule, I will be a sad mainepaperpusher and none of us wants that!

Oh, take a look above at the featured image that Silas at  The Diary of a Weird Teen Boy created for us!

Get in touch with me at mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com to submit your piece, and we’ll take it from there.

Start writing with bells on…on your hats, of course!

It’s All About The Boats

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During the last week or so I’ve been publishing posts with stories about camp.  Here is one that is a little more current.   This is from the 4th of July.

Some cities have parades with big bands marching and floats floating.  Ironbound Pond has floats, too.  Actually, it has a flotilla.  The watercraft you see above make up the entire Ironbound Pond Boat Parade.

Now it may seem like an odd thing to call a collection of party boats, a speed boat, an aluminum fishing boat, and a Jet Ski an entire parade.  Oh but it is!

The Ironbound Pond Boat Parade started about four years ago and has delighted camp owners every 4th of July.  It’s a great chance to see friends, show off a few flags and even dress up a bit.  From the shore, I spotted red white and blue top hats along with other festive attire.   One boat was decked out with a New England Patriots flag and the inhabitants wore their Patriots football jerseys.  These folks are hardcore fans.  Go Pats!

To people who live in cities,  all of this may seem like much ado about nothing.  Those big cities have massive parades and firework extravaganzas.  Even small towns have parades with school bands and a modest fireworks display.   The denizens of the pond have none of that.  What we have are boats.  That’s not to say that some individual fireworks might be set off here and there, but mostly it’s about the boats.

 

 

Image may contain: sky, outdoor, nature and water

That fella at the top of the page is Kirk Heald.  He was the Grand Marshall and led the parade in the boat you see above.  Now, I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you a little bit about this boat.  Kirk has a 1954 Cadillac.  Yes, there was a boat company named Cadillac, but it’s not the same as the car company.  I know that because I checked.  Kirk’s wife Debb told me this and I take that as gospel.  Debb knows her Cadillac boats and I respect that.  Plus, I want to keep her happy.  The boat you see here is not Kirk’s 1954 Cadillac.  Oh no!  This one here is his father-in-law’s 1945 Cadillac. Debb was thrilled to see her husband and grandkids in her late Dad’s boat.  That’s a bit of pond history right there!

The fact that Kirk was even in a boat on the 4th was remarkable.  He had been in the hospital for a few months over the winter.  He’d gone through a whole lot of medical awfulness.  One thing after another, but he powered through.  His wife Debb was by his side the whole time to cheer him on.  You might think that would have gotten him down, but he kept going.  Ok, that’s sounded like having Debb by his side might have gotten him down and I don’t want anyone to think that because nothing could be further from the truth.  Also, Debb would kill me.  Kirk was adamant that he was going to get better and often did things the docs didn’t want him to do.  Pssst!  Don’t tell the docs.  I don’t want to get him in trouble!  If I got him in trouble, Debb would not be happy with me, and we don’t want that!

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Above you see Kirk trolling past our camp.  That’s me in my bright orange shirt.  Bill is beside me in more subdued attire.  So subdued you can’t even see him.  Now I ask you: “what fun is that?”  If I asked him, you know what his response would be?  “I’m no fun, we all know that!”  That’s when I try to replicate his husbandly “smile and nod” routine.  I fail badly.  I laugh loudly.  As most wives would.

At this point,  you have probably figured out that I lied to you.  I said it was mostly about the boats and that is very far from the truth.  It’s about friends and family and a shared love for the pond.  It’s about a small community coming together to celebrate the birth of our nation and to celebrate the recovery of one of their own.

So next time you see some small-town tradition that you think is a paltry affair, think of Kirk.  Wait, that didn’t sound right, either.  I’m really going to be in hot water here.  Debb is going to murder me, I just know it!  Let’s try this…  When you see what you think is an unimportant small-town tradition, think of the friendships and families behind it.  Think of the heart and soul of that tight-knit group of people just puttering around the pond in their boats.  If you think it’s all about the boats, you’re missing a whole lot.

In the spirit of full disclosure, none of the pics I’ve used here are mine.  I’m using the photos that Debb Heald took from her dock as the boats floated past.  I could say that the reason I am doing this is that I was too busy waving from the shore to take some myself.  I could say that I was so caught up in the moment I totally forgot to take any pics. Yup, I could say both of those things because they are true.

However, the biggest reason I’m using Debb’s pictures is that she’s a great photographer.  She takes outstanding pictures.  Just take a look at the American Eagle she captured below.  Talk about a great symbol for the 4th of July!

The Loons at the bottom of the page are spectacular, too.  She has a telephoto lens that can capture just about anything.  Now you know why I don’t want her mad at me.  Who knows what she might see across the pond at our place?  The next loon shot could have me in the background in a bathing suit, and no one wants to see that!

 

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Guest in Jest…Guest Posters Wanted

A few days ago I asked if anyone would be interested in being part of a regular series featuring a different guest blogger every week.  My idea was to have bloggers tell a little bit about themselves and where they are from, and anything else, in a humorous way.  I had a pretty good response so we’ll give it a go.

The title of the post will be Guest in Jest.  I am going to strive to publish these posts every Friday.  So let me know if you are interested and I’ll set up a schedule.  I’m hoping there will be more than just a handful who will do this.  If there are only a few, at least we’ll have a few weeks of fun before the well runs dry.

Here are the rules:

  1. Tell us a bit about yourself, including where you are from.
  2. Give us some info about your blog.  Make sure to add a link to it.Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud funny,” but a bit of humor would be great.
  3. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
  4. Pictures optional, but encouraged.
  5. The post can be one that has been posted before.
  6. The last rule is the most important one.  If you don’t like the previous rules, then write whatever you want.  🙂

That’s it.  The idea is that we learn a bit about our fellow bloggers and their blogs.  I love knowing where everyone is from and a bit about their lives.  As for the funny part, it can be anything.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

I really hope this is fun for everyone.  The series will start as soon as someone is willing to write a post.  Just give me a shout at mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com

Also, if anyone has ideas on how to improve on this, feel free to let me know.

Lazy mainepaperpusher-Dragon Style

It’s the 4th of July and I want to wish everyone a wonderful day.  A shout-out to our Canadian friends who just celebrated Canada Day.  They’ve been around for 150 years and I swear they don’t look older than 100!  Happy Tuesday to the rest of the World!

Today I am being lazy.  I wanted to get a Happy Holiday post out, but I’m headed for the pond and didn’t have it in me to write a post.  I know, the ultimate in lethargy.  As luck would have it, a very cool link from Dictionary.com popped up in my inbox and I want to share it with you.

As some of you know, I love dragons.  I collect stuffed dragons, I love them in stories and lore.  So today I will share this website with you so that you can enjoy a bit of mainepaperpusher’s laziness—dragon style.

 

Click here for Dragony goodness