Quick and QWERTY #10

Idiom:  Everything but the kitchen sink

 

This one comes from Michael at Afterwards

 

Darren winced opening the soothing ointment.

“Where’d you do it ? ” gemma giggled.
“More a case of where not.  Everywhere but the kitchen sink I reckon.”
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DON’T! Just Don’t!

Around this time of year, I tend to go into a rant about cold weather and snow.  I lament the fact that the days are short, the temps are low and there is just too much of the white stuff swirling around.  You might think that I would spare you the pain of hearing the same thing I spew every winter.  You might think that, but you would be wrong. This is going to be a good and proper rant.  I’m unhappy and I’m taking you right along with me.

Tonight we are going to get a foot of snow.  That’s the minimum.  Maybe up to two feet.  I know, I know…yes, I live in Maine.  Yes, Maine is a very cold place in the winter.  Yes, we get a lot of snow here.  That’s what Maine does, and it does it exceedingly well.  But that doesn’t mean that I have to like it.  It certainly doesn’t mean that I won’t complain about it.  That’s what I do exceedingly well.

I have this theory about Snow.  It’s out to get me…and it knows where I live.  It knows that I reside in a cold climate and because of that, it has free rein to depress me.  Come to think of it, Snow is the ultimate bully.  Maybe it has anger management or self-esteem issues, I don’t know.  Whatever the reason, Snow thinks it’s cool to make me miserable.  Yes, I know that was an unintentional pun, but if you know what’s good for you, you’re just going to pretend it never happened.

They say that the Inuit people have a bunch of words for snow.   I should probably Google it and tell you the exact number but I’m in a ranty mood and I just don’t want to.  Suffice it to say they have a lot of them.  I have one word for Snow.  Snow, are you listening?  DON’T!  Just don’t. Just.don’t.snow.  I don’t want squalls or blizzards or freezing rain or fresh powder.  I don’t want slush or snowball snow or snow that makes for “good sleddin'”  Snow, are you hearing me?  Just don’t!

I realize that if I wanted to, I could be all talented and make all of those snow words into a Dr. Seuss kind of thing to make you smile.  Too bad.  I’m too peeved for that.  No Dr. Seuss for you!  I’m not going to make clever wordplay or attempt to wow you with my non-existent poetry skills.  Nope, this isn’t about that.  The is a rant, damn it!  Rants are not eloquent or articulate. Rants are ranty and you’ll just have to deal with it.  If I’m getting nearly two feet of snow, you are going to suffer right along with me.

 

 

 

 

Guest in Jest #80 The Closet Sessions

This week’s  “Guest in Jest” guest is:  The Closet Sessions

 

The Zoological Wards

Have you ever been to a zoo? The Delhi Zoological Park is a pretty great place, lots of greenery, majestic colorful animals, kids playing around and their parents running after them so that they don’t enter a tiger’s chamber (or secretly wish they do). Except for summers, when the animals totally refuse to come out of their sheds, the Zoo is a lovely idea for a picnic.

If you don’t like to walk around too much but still want to know more about the animal kingdom, go visit a hospital! There’s not much difference, to be honest. I’m convinced beyond doubt that the various specialities take inspiration from a certain species that’s their spirit animal. Don’t believe me? Read on.

1. Surgeons: The King Of The Jungle

Surgeons are lions. A symbol of strength, power, pounce, precision and ferocity. They have a certain eliteness about them, or they like to think they do. Don’t ever hurt a lion’s pride if you want to survive in a jungle.

2. Physicians: The Mighty Wise Grey

I love elephants! They are intelligent, wise, loyal, civil and usually kind until provoked. Sweet herbivores who don’t believe in ripping apart live humans. Peace out, everyone.

3. Gynecologists & Obstetricians: Who’s laughing now?

Hyenas, of course. Why, you ask? Because they have a loud, shrill voice. They usually hunt at night and if you’ve ever been in a labour room: you know 90% kids want to come into the big bad world at night (I’ve no idea why). Hyenas are a natural rival of the Lions (Attention Surgeons) and they don’t give up until they get their reward (the baby needs to come out, by hook or by crook).

4. Pediatricians: Ah Ah! Ooh ooh!

They are primates walking on two feet. If you’d seen my Pediatrics HOD (sorry Sir, forgive me. Although I know you’re not reading this, meh) around kids, you’d know what I’m talking of. Pediatricians make all sorts of weird faces and imitate whichever animal they can, just to get the kid’s attention and stop him from crying. A sight, I tell you. And even their stethoscopes look like this :-

5. Anesthesiologists: Zzzz…

Pandas… They sleep, they eat (thankfully not in the Operation Theatre, though you can never tell) and they are friendly harmless creatures. An endangered species (highest suicides rates amongst doctors are of Anesthesiologists), in need of a bear hug.

If you want to visit this zoo, let me know. I’ll be your personal tour guide and give you all the insider info. 😉

Quick and QWERTY Idiom #3

Here’s a fresh idiom for everyone.  Have fun!

Idiom:   Everything but the kitchen sink

Want to be a Quick and QWERTY guest?

Here are the rules…in bullet points…because they are so much quicker to read:

  • I post an idiom as a prompt …when I have time.

  • You write a humorous post, in 25 words or less…when you have time.

  • Any style is acceptable…all of the time.

  • Send post to me at mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com …as time allows.

  • I publish each post here as they come in…when I have time.

  • We all read whatever posts we have time to read.

Guest in Jest and Weekly Request #80

Please join us tomorrow…

 

THIS WEEK’S  “GUEST IN JEST” GUEST IS:  The Closet Sessions

Now it is time for my shameless begging.  I’ll add a little pleading if it will help.  I will add larger fonts to grab attention.  REALLY large fonts…to the point of obnoxiousness!  Perhaps a bit of color will make a difference.

Join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

Give us some info about your blog.  Make sure to add a link to it.

Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.

Pictures optional, but encouraged.

The post can be one that has been posted before.

Multiple submissions are encouraged!

The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

Quick and QWERTY # 7

Idiom Prompt:   Close, but no cigar

The blogger who wrote this would like to remain anonymous.  It does not fit into the humorous theme, but it is so well done, I had to share.

Waking

Head pounding, stomach churning.

On the pillow: dried tears and vomit.

On the floor: pill bottle – empty.

Still alive.

Disappointed.

Close but no cigar.

 

 

 

Want to be a Quick and QWERTY guest?

 

 

Here are the rules…in bullet points…because they are so much quicker to read:

  • I post an idiom as a prompt …when I have time.

  •  

  • You write a humorous post, in 25 words or less…when you have time.

  •  

  • Any style is acceptable…all of the time.

  •  

  • Send post to me at mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com …as time allows.

  •  

  • I publish each post here as they come in…when I have time.

  •  

  • We all read whatever posts we have time to read.

Quick and QWERTY #6

 

Idiom Prompt:  So close, but no cigar

 

This comes from Catia at Novus Lectio

I was standing under the porch when I saw Him in tuxedo walking out the door, so close, but no cigar in hand this time

Want to be a Quick and QWERTY guest?

 

Here are the rules…in bullet points…because they are so much quicker to read:

 

  • I post an idiom as a prompt …when I have time.
  •  
  • You write a humorous post, in 25 words or less…when you have time.
  •  
  • Any style is acceptable…all of the time.
  •  
  • Send post to me at mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com …as time allows.
  •  
  • I publish each post here as they come in…when I have time.
  •  
  • We all read whatever posts we have time to read.