Carry On, Carry On

I’ve always wanted to make this blog a fun place to visit.  Over the last few weeks there have been fewer things to laugh about.   I used to have personal stories that were amusing, but at the moment they are far and few between.  Even Walter seems lethargic.  Even so, we need to smile when we can.

When I saw this, I burst out laughing.  Gallows humor, I suppose.  I guess I’m not the only one laughing since it’s been viewed over 5 million times on Facebook.  Still, I had to post it, if only for the two of you who haven’t see it, yet.

Stay well, my friends.  And please get in touch if anyone would like me to lend an ear or a shoulder.  I have two of each to share.

 

Please Check In…I Worry!

I know I haven’t been here much of late, but I do want to check in with my friends to see wow everyone is doing.  This horrible virus is shutting everything down here, and I would bet it’s the same for most people.

We are dong fine here.  Stocked up and ready if we are told to stay in our houses.  I’ve heard some cities in the US have already done that.

I would feel sooo much better if I heard from my WordPress friends to know things are ok.  Just put a short comment below to put my mind at ease.

I’m keeping Walter at home because we can’t find a mask in his size!

Thanks, Walter…

A couple of weeks ago it occurred to me that our entertainment set-up needed some upgrading.   I was tired of having a dumb TV.  Smart TVs are all the rage.  The more Ks you have, the better.  It was time to take the plunge and replace our 32″ 1080p with something 4K.  Something wicked smart that would stream movies and do my dishes.

Since I wanted needed a new Roku, it made sense to get a Roku TV.  Perfect.  I ordered a humongous 43″er.  Go ahead and laugh.  It was replacing a 32″ model and 43″ seems pretty darned enormous!  I then figured it would be nice to have a sound bar to go with it.  I found this really cool Polk sound bar that truly sounds amazing.  It even had a remote where you can not only change the bass but also enhance voice mode and night mode and all  sorts of other modes.  Notice I said it HAD a remote.

You guessed it.  I bought the bar, and by the very next morning, Walter had eaten the remote.  He hadn’t digested it, but it was in smithereens and I could tell he only stopped chewing once he bit into a battery.  That must have tasted yummy, but he deserved it!  Eating that remote was not cool.  And that’s not all…

Walter also chewed up the remote from the old TV.  Great…that meant no mode-changing on the sound bar, and the old TV couldn’t be used because I couldn’t change the input on it.  Know why?  Because when we got the new TV, I changed all of the satellite remotes to the new TV code.  So now we have a poor old remote-less TV.  Thanks, Walter.

I shamed Walter for an entire day by just showing him those old lifeless remotes.  He knew he was in trouble and he hid in an unheated back room.  Every time he tried to come back in the kitchen, I would just touch the shell of the old remote and he’s slink off again.  At least he knew what he had done was bad and he would never do it again.  He had been punished good and proper.  It’s amazing how much a withering look will affect that dog.  That’s not to say that I didn’t yell.  I yelled plenty.

You might think the story ends here, but no.  I was able to find a new TV remote for less than ten bucks…yay!  It should be here any day now.  I was also able to find a new sound bar remote for 40 bucks.  I’ll still say “yay” but with a little less enthusiasm.  Still, for fifty dollars total, all would be right with the world.  Oh but it’s never that easy.  Not with Walter around.

The new sound bar remote arrived yesterday.  It was pristine and worked perfectly.  Notice I said it WAS pristine.  I came home this afternoon after a short jaunt into town and what should I find?  The $40 sound bar replacement remote chewed to pieces.  I won’t repeat what I said.  Actually, I will repeat it.  What I was thinking was very bad, but what I said was simple.  I looked at Walter and just said “OUT!!”  I pointed my finger toward the door and looked at him sternly.  Head down and tail between his legs, he looked over his shoulder abjectly as he slinked out of the room.

I just finished ordering a replacement for the replacement sound bar remote.  Another $40.  Nothing is safe around here.  Apparently, that goes double for remotes.  Thanks, Walter…

Switch It Up

Today I set up my Nintendo Switch.  You know…the video-gamey thing I bought to encourage me to exercise?  Let me just make this clear at the outset.  I hate exercise. Let me rephrase that. I hate what is normally considered exercise. Crunches, push ups, walking toward no apparent destination…ugh.  Walking toward no apparent destination is for chumps.  Yes, my darling husband, I’m looking at you.  And don’t get me started about running.* 

So I set the thing up anticipating all of this fun exercise I’d get by dancing.  Yup, they have dancing video games.  I started that thing up, and I really danced!  To one song.  After that one song, I had to set up my account and all of that other fun stuff.  Of course, I really had to try that Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle game and…well, you know the rest.  

I do have to admit, though. I’m rather proud of myself.  After all, I figure I danced  competitively this afternoon.  Yeah it was only one song but if I’m trying to beat my own score, that’s competitive, right?  But what I’m really looking forward to is that $80 video game that makes you do all sorts of exercises in order to level up.  If it costs that much, it has to be fun.  Yeah baby, you just watch me level up in that game while I’m getting all of that exercise!  I’m going to be so fit, you won’t even recognize me.  I shall rule the world!  At least the world where Mario and the Rabbids reside.

 

*You knew there had to be a footnote after all of that exercise-dissing, right?  Let me be clear.  Geez that sounds like it comes from a political debate, but still…  Let me be clear.  I am all for exercise of all types that other people enjoy….as long as they are the ones enjoying it.  Truly though, I think I’ll also enjoy some of the more pedestrian exercises once I’ve lost some more weight.  Except for running.  Running is off the table.  But until I yearn for typical types of exercise, I shall dance.  And if I feel the need to visit Mario and the Rabbids,  I can always do it while I’m pedaling along on a stationary bike, right?  Note to self: “Buy a stationary bike.”

**Featured image is from Nintendo.  Hopefully, they won’t sue me when they see all of the publicity they’re getting here.  ;P

 

 

 

Have a Magical Holiday Season…

…and sloppy holiday kisses, too!

 

Credit:  Zazzle

‘shrooms

I was reading the New York Post recently and saw an article about the therapeutic value of mushrooms.  I wasn’t actually reading the paper itself, of course, because who does that any more?  Actually, my husband does, but he’s a tech-roglodyte and he deserves to have newsprint ink all over his hands.  Before I retired, I was part of the ‘paper biz.’  I should be shot for maligning the product that paid my mortgage, but c’mon!  Humongous sheets of ink-smeared pages with offset images making politicians look even more ridiculous than they truly are.  The last time I looked at a real paper, I saw a pic of Trump above the fold and the ink didn’t line up.  The yellow ink was so out of kilter it made him look like he had a halo.  ‘Nuff said.

I’m not going down the hell-hole of American politics.  Nope, not gonna do it!  I’m here to talk about mushrooms.  I love mushrooms.  Cooked mushrooms, that is.  The raw ones exist only to be cooked.  I’ve never understood the compulsion some cooks have for putting raw mushrooms in a salad…or anything else, for that matter!  Just because I get a little worked up about raw mushrooms, and their ill-advised placement in salads, doesn’t mean that you have to share my views.  But I’m right.  You know in your heart that I’m right.  Enough of my mushroom rant, I promise I’ll leave the subject of raw mushrooms behind.  But if you get me started on baby corn, there will be no turning back.

Let’s get back to mushrooms.  I’m rather interested in the latest research claiming that mushrooms are more than just pizza toppings and and bits that swim in pasta sauce.  The highly-touted fungi have been used for centuries to remedy scores of illnesses, and I was astounded when I saw how many ailments can be alleviated by eating mushrooms.  Here are a few:

 

Feeling a little on edge?  Reishi can make chill you out, man.  It helps with depression and anxiety, too.  

Cordyceps can help with energy and athletic performance.   I’ve never heard about this one before, but if I ever decide to run a marathon, I’ll find some!  As if…

Have high blood pressure?  Cholesterol through the roof?  Perhaps you have a wonky heart?  Eat some some shitake.  I don’t have any of these issues but I still eat shitake mushrooms because they are soo yummy…cooked, of course.  No wonky heart for me!  My heart is totally un-wonked.  “Eat shitake”  There has to be a joke in there somewhere.

Do you have high blood pressure?  Gobble up some Turkey Tail.  Thank goodness I don’t have high blood pressure because gobbling turkey tail just sounds wrong.  Unless it’s Thanksgiving, of course.  If so, then all bets are off.

Having issues affecting memory, cognition, and concentration?  If you think of it, have some Lion’s Mane.  I’m going to put my order in right away because…I’m not quite sure I remember why.  What was I saying again?

I couldn’t make these names up if I tried!  I mean, really!  I can’t see myself saying:  “I’ll just have some Lion’s Mane with a side of Turkey Tail, please.”  Then there are Puffballs, Wood Ear, and the highly sought after Truffle…they sound like props in a Harry Potter movie, don’t they?  Maybe J. K. Rowling was doing some recreational ‘shrooms when she wrote her imaginative books.  That would explain a lot.

Make sure you talk to your doctor before you take any mushroom that is not common in the culinary world…raw or cooked.  Be very careful about mentioning the Angel of Death because your next stop might be a facility that will keep you for 72 hours, whether you want it to or not.  And I really don’t want you to take the Destroying Angel because she will…well…destroy you.  We can’t have that!  I need all the followers I can get.

 

 

Pie Domination!

Just a quick note to follow up on my pie predicament in my previous post.   To recap, I was trying to lose 25 pounds by yesterday morning.  This is the end of the 16-week program I joined to lose weight and work my way toward a healthier me.  Did I think about the fact that this program would end a few days after Thanksgiving?  I did not.  I am pleased to tell you that I reached my goal weight three days ago!  I attribute this achievement to my painful restriction of pie at Thanksgiving dinner.  I did it!  Oh yes, I have achieved pie domination!  I am now a The Dominatrix of Pie.

Thanksgiving dinner was fabulous.  It was prepared by a professional chef!  It’s good to have someone in the family with such expertise.  Or bad…if you are trying to lose weight.  It was hard, but I kept to my word and had no seconds.  There were only four pies this year, so that was a bit of a break.  I gave in to temptation and allowed myself a single bite of each.  The pie-makers were happy to see me hovering over their respective pies, and I felt good limiting myself.  “Good” might be going too far, “strong” might be a better word.  Those pies were not going to stop me from achieving my goals.  No siree!  I showed them that I could just have a taste and walk away.  What do you think about that, pie!?

The idea of a post Thanksgiving day weigh-in wasn’t my idea of a good time.  I was a bit fearful as I approached the scale of judgment…how bad would it be?  It wasn’t bad!  I didn’t gain an ounce.  I guess that’s what happens when you bring 3 bottles of wine to a family dinner and don’t drink a drop.  My sister-in-law informed me that the two left-over bottles would be opened for Christmas dinner.  I don’t intend to drink it then, either.  I have goals, damn it!

So, pie isn’t the only thing being dominated.  Wine is on notice, too!  I’m guessing that last bottle of wine won’t be consumed until New Year’s Eve.  Since that is the date of my next colonoscopy, I think I might need a glass of wine that night.   I’ll just think of it as fruit juice.  Hey, it has grapes in it…don’t judge me!  The USDA says you need a minimum of 2 servings of fruit per day.  Who am I to question the USDA?  My scale might not be happy, but at least my wine consumption will be government approved!  

 

I cannot stress the importance of the support and motivation I received from my friends at Weigh To Be Healthy   We started that group when I was midway through this goal of mine and it helped me tremendously as I was nearing the end and questioning whether or not I’d make it.  I can’t imagine a more supportive group of people.  Feel free to join us if you like, and we’ll support you, too!

American Pie

In Thanksgivings past I have thoroughly enjoyed whatever food was put before me…often with seconds for the particularly choice bits.  Ok, they are ALL particularly choice bits, and that’s the problem.  Without thinking, I made a very ill-timed decision and I am now facing the consequences.  I joined a ‘lose weight and get healthy’ program and I set my goal to lose 25 pounds in 16 weeks.  The catch is that my 16 weeks are up on Sunday and I haven’t quite met my goal, yet.  My freaking goal is due three days after Thanksgiving!!!  You will just have to imagine me doing facepalms repeatedly…and with great force.

This year I vowed I would be more restrained.  No seconds!   No seconds, and no wine.  I’m going to eat and drink responsibly.  Yup, it’s going to be a sober, seconds-less Thanksgiving.  It sure is!  But I still have to deal with pies.  So many pies…

We are a pie-loving family.  Every year at least three people show up with multiple pies.  It’s always a pie-palooza.  Now it’s one thing if a couple of people bring a pie, but when there are a half dozen pies on the counter, there’s a problem.  Then the whole ‘eating responsibly’ idea becomes less of a reality and more of a quickly-forgotten oath.  Plus, you can’t have one and not another, otherwise feelings get hurt.  That would make for a very unthankful Thanksgiving, and we can’t have that.

How do you say no when a family member is handing you a piece of pie they lovingly created for you?  There they are, just waiting for that “mmmmm” sound made only after one has had an extraordinary piece of pie.  If they don’t get that sound, their entire pie-making endeavor was for naught, and Thanksgiving has been utterly ruined.  We can’t have that, but what to do?

I’ve been pondering this problem and this past week I have been working on plausible excuses for not eating six pieces of pie after Thanksgiving dinner.  I will probably have to use the excuse I come up with a number of times so it has to be universally appropriate and consistent…and it has to be true.  I won’t lie.  These rules have proven to make this pie-avoiding goal difficult.  The following are works in progress:

“Oooh, that pie looks wonderful but don’t get too close!  I have a tickle in my throat (true) and I don’t want you to catch my cold!”

“I’ve been trying to cut back on sweets (true), but it looks so good…let me have just a sliver”  This might work but there is an inherent problem here. It’s almost impossible for me to have “just a sliver” and not want to consume more.  I am a woman who has ‘slivered’ a cheesecake to death.  There will be no successful slivering of six pies, so this one is out.

“Oh my goodness!  So and so was just asking who made this gorgeous pie!” This always leads to the pie-maker heading in the direction of the potential pie-appreciator and thus getting me off the hook.  The only snag here is that I can only use this when someone actually does ask who made the pie, otherwise it’s a lie. Lucky for me, everyone in the family is always asking who made what pie, so this one is a contender.  Did I mention that we are a pie-loving family?

I could get up and move around with a drink in my hand.  It’s hard to eat pie while standing and drinking.  But to make this plausible, it would entail talking with someone who is also standing.  The real concern here is that the odds are high that the only people standing would be pie-makers…who want me to eat their pie.  That would defeat the purpose.  I should probably rule this one out.

I could tell them that I’m sharing with Bill, and because he doesn’t indulge in sweets (true!)  we’ll only have small pieces.  If I had one bite of each, that might work!  I would be able to tell everyone exactly what I liked about their pie.  Mmmmmm  I wouldn’t have the ‘slivering’ problem because there would be another bite coming.  And I would come away eating only the equivalent of a single piece of pie because after I eat my one bite of each, I can move away from the table and what’s left on the plate will be Bill’s problem.  Even that is more pie than I probably should eat, but we all have to make sacrifices for those we love.  Yummy, yummy sacrifices.  This idea might be the winner!  Maybe I could make it a new tradition.  After all, Christmas is right around the corner.

Oh, and if you don’t live in America, just disregard this whole thing.  You can be thankful that you aren’t in the middle of our current political maelstrom. Although, if you are from the UK, your situation isn’t too rosy either.  Even though you aren’t celebrating Thanksgiving, you should have a piece of pie.  It’ll make you feel better.  I’m more than willing to share.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Come On People, Let’s Get Healthy!

I promise I’ll get back to regularly scheduled programming (my typical blog posts) soon, but I wanted to post an update on Weigh To Be Healthy.  In case you missed it, this is a new health-oriented Facebook group that was created to help us along with a healthy lifestyle.  Geez, I hate that word “lifestyle.”  It sounds like an animated hair cut.  But it does convey the idea that we want make changes in our lives to be healthier longterm.

In this group we support each other as we try to lose weight.  Hey, that’s just one of the best ways to improve your health, but it’s more than that.  We share healthful information of all kinds.  Want to know about cauliflower crust, exercise snacks, and have lots of laughs?  Join us and you’ll get all of that, and more.

Becoming healthy is one of my highest priorities.  It took me a while to realize that I have only one life to live, and I want to make the most of it.  I’m eating healthier food, losing weight, and I’m just feeling better all around.  Commitment is a cornerstone of any worthwhile endeavor.  Accountability is another.  The support I get from Weigh To Be Healthy encourages those things.  Plus, it’s just so much easier when you have friends to cheer you on…and have fun doing it!

Come join us!

Weigh To Be Healthy

If you aren’t ready to join and just want more information, just send an email to me at mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com.  I’ll be happy to answer questions.

Weigh To Be Healthy! Support Group

My guess is that you think being healthy means getting to your goal weigh.  Am I right?  How many times have you done that and then regained it all and realized you were no better off than you were before?  Or worse!

I was always a fat kid.  I always thought I was a failure because I could never keep the weight off.  I told myself it must be genetic.  Believe it or not, I recently had my DNA done, and I really do have a genetic disposition toward weight gain!  I was also on an epilepsy drug that made me gain 50 pounds in six months!  “There!  See!? It’s my DNA and the drugs.  It’s not my fault!!!”

I could have given myself those very valid excuses to justify being overweight. I could refute the words of my neurologist:  “You just have to eat less.”  I had proof that I couldn’t help being fat and unhealthy.  I had excuses but I was miserable…and I was mad!  I was mad at that neurologist who didn’t understand, and I was mad at myself for thinking I had no control.

So I thought I’d go on another diet.  I’d get my weight down.  I’d be happy again. Thinking that my weight and happiness went hand in hand made me realize that this struggle is about more than just what my scale told me each morning.  This is about becoming and sustaining the ‘me’ I want to be. I know I’m not the only who feels this way, and that’s why I started this group.

So what do you think?  Are you ready to be part of a fun group where you can help others with the same struggles you share?  Are you looking for some support as you head toward a healthier life?  If so, then I am thrilled to invite you to be part of a brand new Facebook group called…

Weigh to be Healthy!

 

If you would like to meet the two other wonderful women who helped get this thing off the ground, here are links to their blogs.  I could never have done this without them. 

Deb at Being Aunt Debbie

Lisa at Lismore Paper

 

All of us have different ideas on how we want to become healthy, and that makes for great discussions.  We’d love to hear yours.  Our tag line sums it up beautifully.  We are “a support group for the health of it.”  Let’s do this together.  Let’s figure out a Weigh to be Healthy!