‘shrooms

I was reading the New York Post recently and saw an article about the therapeutic value of mushrooms.  I wasn’t actually reading the paper itself, of course, because who does that any more?  Actually, my husband does, but he’s a tech-roglodyte and he deserves to have newsprint ink all over his hands.  Before I retired, I was part of the ‘paper biz.’  I should be shot for maligning the product that paid my mortgage, but c’mon!  Humongous sheets of ink-smeared pages with offset images making politicians look even more ridiculous than they truly are.  The last time I looked at a real paper, I saw a pic of Trump above the fold and the ink didn’t line up.  The yellow ink was so out of kilter it made him look like he had a halo.  ‘Nuff said.

I’m not going down the hell-hole of American politics.  Nope, not gonna do it!  I’m here to talk about mushrooms.  I love mushrooms.  Cooked mushrooms, that is.  The raw ones exist only to be cooked.  I’ve never understood the compulsion some cooks have for putting raw mushrooms in a salad…or anything else, for that matter!  Just because I get a little worked up about raw mushrooms, and their ill-advised placement in salads, doesn’t mean that you have to share my views.  But I’m right.  You know in your heart that I’m right.  Enough of my mushroom rant, I promise I’ll leave the subject of raw mushrooms behind.  But if you get me started on baby corn, there will be no turning back.

Let’s get back to mushrooms.  I’m rather interested in the latest research claiming that mushrooms are more than just pizza toppings and and bits that swim in pasta sauce.  The highly-touted fungi have been used for centuries to remedy scores of illnesses, and I was astounded when I saw how many ailments can be alleviated by eating mushrooms.  Here are a few:

 

Feeling a little on edge?  Reishi can make chill you out, man.  It helps with depression and anxiety, too.  

Cordyceps can help with energy and athletic performance.   I’ve never heard about this one before, but if I ever decide to run a marathon, I’ll find some!  As if…

Have high blood pressure?  Cholesterol through the roof?  Perhaps you have a wonky heart?  Eat some some shitake.  I don’t have any of these issues but I still eat shitake mushrooms because they are soo yummy…cooked, of course.  No wonky heart for me!  My heart is totally un-wonked.  “Eat shitake”  There has to be a joke in there somewhere.

Do you have high blood pressure?  Gobble up some Turkey Tail.  Thank goodness I don’t have high blood pressure because gobbling turkey tail just sounds wrong.  Unless it’s Thanksgiving, of course.  If so, then all bets are off.

Having issues affecting memory, cognition, and concentration?  If you think of it, have some Lion’s Mane.  I’m going to put my order in right away because…I’m not quite sure I remember why.  What was I saying again?

I couldn’t make these names up if I tried!  I mean, really!  I can’t see myself saying:  “I’ll just have some Lion’s Mane with a side of Turkey Tail, please.”  Then there are Puffballs, Wood Ear, and the highly sought after Truffle…they sound like props in a Harry Potter movie, don’t they?  Maybe J. K. Rowling was doing some recreational ‘shrooms when she wrote her imaginative books.  That would explain a lot.

Make sure you talk to your doctor before you take any mushroom that is not common in the culinary world…raw or cooked.  Be very careful about mentioning the Angel of Death because your next stop might be a facility that will keep you for 72 hours, whether you want it to or not.  And I really don’t want you to take the Destroying Angel because she will…well…destroy you.  We can’t have that!  I need all the followers I can get.