The Weird-Ass Boat Saga – Part 4

 

Next on the agenda was to get some boating accessories.  I had no idea I would need so much stuff to outfit our weird boat.  And we, as weird boat owners, needed a lot, too.  You may very well think that this will be an uninteresting list of stuff.  To be fair, that may be true, but I promise at the end of the post there will be photos of Walter modeling his very own boat accessory.

You scrolled down, didn’t you?  Just couldn’t help but skip right to the swimsuit model.

Finding a generator to charge the boat’s batteries was a bit of a challenge.  Generators are heavy.  Very heavy.  If we were thinking about using the thing to run part of the house during a power outage, we needed something in the 3000-watt range.   There was no way we could lift one of those things. I looked around and finally found the cutest generator ever.  Can a generator be cute?  It sure can!  Check it out…

 

It’s a wee rolling generator with a suitcase handle!  It even has a cute name.  The Honda Handi is now part of our boat saga. It only weighs 78 pounds, which is half as much as a more typical generator with the same wattage would be.  Now we have a weird generator to go with our weird-ass boat when it arrives.

The boat and the generator were just the first two things needed for our highly anticipated boating lifestyle.  Next on the docket was the dock!  Luckily, the boat guy was also a dock guy.  To be honest, the boat guy had a dock guy.  Luckily, the boat guy’s dock guy could manufacture whatever I might need.  I probably should have warned him that I’d need a weird dock, but for the first few days, I just had him price out a typical dock.  It was only later that I started adding a few changes and the true weirdness became clear.  I wanted railings on both sides and steps into the water.  I wanted dock ‘handles’ to hold onto when I get into the boat.  Anti-convulsants make staying upright a challenge, so I need all the help I can get.  The weird dock is going to look like a wheelchair ramp but at least I won’t fall in and drown if I have a seizure.

This whole epilepsy thing is a real buzzkill.  If only I had gills!  If I had gills I wouldn’t have to worry about all of this boring dock safety stuff.  Gills would be awesome, but since I sadly don’t have them, I had to explain what I needed to the boat and dock guys and they figured out a way to do it.  Of course, this means that now I have to wait for the boat and the dock to be built.  Patience is not one of my virtues, but weird-assedness has its price.

Next on the list are life jackets.  Did you know that you can get a life jacket that has a CO2 cartridge that will inflate the thing if it gets submersed?  Whoa, this is some pretty cool technology.  That whole not having gills thing is a major downer, but this might make things a bit easier if I end up in the drink.  Since I’m going to be stuck wearing one of these things most of the time, I wanted one that was as unobtrusive as possible.  The one shown below seemed like it might work out just fine.  Although mine is in a nice fuschia color.

I have to admit, it’s hard to be unobtrusive as a large woman in a fuschia life jacket, but one must do what one must do.  I suppose the bright color will help them locate me while I’m flopping around being all seizure-y and totally oblivious to my gill-lessness.  I cannot stress enough just how unfair it is that I don’t have gills.  I don’t even have one of those cool, scaly mermaid tails.  Nooo…instead I get a self-inflating life jacket like the one below…in fuschia…and no gills.  Sigh…

Have we forgotten about Walter?  Of course not!  Walter will be part of the crew even though he can’t pedal the paddle wheel.  He still needs a slip-resistant dog bed and…yes…a lifejacket of his very own.  You think I’m joking?  Look below.  Oh right, who am I kidding?  I know you’ve already looked.  I know how you are!

Here is our very own Walter sporting his new Ruffwear personal floatation device.  Now we’ll be known not only as the people with the weird boat, but more specifically as the people with the weird boat with a Great Dane on board wearing a red life jacket. What can I say?  We live a colorful life.

 

 

I know it seems odd to have a life jacket for a dog but the dog-paddle will only get you so far, especially if you are a Great Dane who never swims and only goes in the water up to your belly.  I figure if he goes overboard, he’ll need all the help he can get!  I might need to get a rope, though.  If he goes overboard, there is no way I’ll be able to haul him back onto the boat…even if there is a life jacket handle.  I am envisioning more of a towing situation.  He’ll float along in his life jacket and we’ll tow him back to shore.  The pontoon boat will become a tugboat, of sorts.  Toot Toot!  Walter coming through!