Deer and Dogs in Springtime.

Snow makes for some interesting behavior when spring comes around.  Animals aren’t quite sure how to deal with the receding snow.

Years ago, I was quite amused by the fact that the dogs would pee only on the snow that was left over until it was melted and they had no choice.  It still strikes me as odd, even after all of these years of witnessing the behavior by one dog after another.

This week I’ve been watching the deer quite a bit.  We have a lot of them in the field behind the house.  I rarely see a deer lying down, but this week I’ve seen a number of them all resting on the last bits of snow.  The field is mostly bare, though there is plenty of snow on the shady parts.  That is where I saw the deer in repose.

I suppose that behavior is like that of the dogs peeing on the snow.  They do what they’ve done for months until the circumstances change.  I suppose we humans are much the same.  Short-term memory makes for easy decisions on what to do next.  Long-term memory makes us who we are.  I wonder if the deer and the dogs would agree.

Not Tonight, Deer

It’s not an uncommon occurrence for me to complain about cold weather.  There is an old Maine expression saying that there are “11 months of winter and one month of rough sledding.”  That might be a little extreme, but today it seemed to be a little too close to the truth.

It was a beautiful day, yesterday.  We enjoyed 80F temps in the sunroom.  The field was covered by grass turned brown by snow and cold weather.  The snow had finally gone, the temps were lovely, and spring was here!  You might notice that I said ‘was.’

As we watched the deer browse the field, eating the long brown grass, it was hard to imagine that the weather folks were talking about a storm.  I wanted to tell them that it wasn’t going to happen. “Not tonight, deer!”  There would certainly be more grass to nibble today.  There was no way that storm was going to hit here after such a gorgeous day.

I was wrong.  It came.  It continues to come.  4 inches of snow, and more on its way.  It doesn’t seem fair, especially to the deer who are struggling to find every calorie they can after a long winter.  This afternoon they came a little closer to the house trying to find whatever they could.  This one was right outside my bedroom window munching a twig Bill cut last fall from a crabapple tree in the front yard.

 

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DON’T! Just Don’t!

Around this time of year, I tend to go into a rant about cold weather and snow.  I lament the fact that the days are short, the temps are low and there is just too much of the white stuff swirling around.  You might think that I would spare you the pain of hearing the same thing I spew every winter.  You might think that, but you would be wrong. This is going to be a good and proper rant.  I’m unhappy and I’m taking you right along with me.

Tonight we are going to get a foot of snow.  That’s the minimum.  Maybe up to two feet.  I know, I know…yes, I live in Maine.  Yes, Maine is a very cold place in the winter.  Yes, we get a lot of snow here.  That’s what Maine does, and it does it exceedingly well.  But that doesn’t mean that I have to like it.  It certainly doesn’t mean that I won’t complain about it.  That’s what I do exceedingly well.

I have this theory about Snow.  It’s out to get me…and it knows where I live.  It knows that I reside in a cold climate and because of that, it has free rein to depress me.  Come to think of it, Snow is the ultimate bully.  Maybe it has anger management or self-esteem issues, I don’t know.  Whatever the reason, Snow thinks it’s cool to make me miserable.  Yes, I know that was an unintentional pun, but if you know what’s good for you, you’re just going to pretend it never happened.

They say that the Inuit people have a bunch of words for snow.   I should probably Google it and tell you the exact number but I’m in a ranty mood and I just don’t want to.  Suffice it to say they have a lot of them.  I have one word for Snow.  Snow, are you listening?  DON’T!  Just don’t. Just.don’t.snow.  I don’t want squalls or blizzards or freezing rain or fresh powder.  I don’t want slush or snowball snow or snow that makes for “good sleddin'”  Snow, are you hearing me?  Just don’t!

I realize that if I wanted to, I could be all talented and make all of those snow words into a Dr. Seuss kind of thing to make you smile.  Too bad.  I’m too peeved for that.  No Dr. Seuss for you!  I’m not going to make clever wordplay or attempt to wow you with my non-existent poetry skills.  Nope, this isn’t about that.  The is a rant, damn it!  Rants are not eloquent or articulate. Rants are ranty and you’ll just have to deal with it.  If I’m getting nearly two feet of snow, you are going to suffer right along with me.

 

 

 

 

The White Stuff

Those of you who know me know that I am not a fan of winter.  Not one little bit.  It’s cold and dark and slippery…especially here in Maine.  Ok, I’m falling down the rabbit hole of winter misery and that’s not where I want to go.  On the contrary…

It snowed last night and I’m not going to whine about it.  It wasn’t our first snow…that happened in October….the week after we had temps in the 80’s, but I’m getting ahead of myself.  Last night we got more than a dusting of the white stuff.  Even so, I’m going to take the high road and not whinge on interminably.  Yes, you read that right.  I am not going to complain about the cold weather.   I’ll just wait here quietly while you let that soak in.  “Let the Ice Man Cometh” and all of that.  That might not be the best reference to use since that play had a lot of racial and political aspects.  Let the Abominable Snowman Cometh!  Emphasis on the abominable part.  Yeah, that’s better.

I bet you are wondering why I am filled with so much tolerance toward the cold months to come.  It’s a fair question considering I’ve been known to fantasize about strangling snow-lovers with their very own scarves.  I have a very good reason for reigning in my abhorrence of all things related to winter.  We had the best summer ever.  Sooo many days of temps in the 80’s and above.  It was glorious!!!

Never let it be said that I have no sense of fairness.  It might be tough to take, now that the glory days are over, but I have to give the weather gods their due.

Besides, the carpenters are starting to build the garage on Monday.  I won’t have to walk in the snow to get to the car.  No more slipping on ice in my own driveway!

The summer WAS really nice.  But in the spirit of full disclosure, maybe I should have mentioned that whole garage thing right up front, huh?  😉

Murderous Thoughts In Springtime

Before you read this little rerun of mine, please be advised that it is all tongue-in-cheek (almost.)  When I originally published it about a year ago, some people thought I was serious.  Awww c’mon!  This is a humor blog for dog’s sake!

 

It’s been a long winter.  The snow is (almost) gone.  It’s above freezing (mostly.)  Spring is (almost) here!

One of the rites of spring is opening a window for the first time of the season.  That might seem like a simple thing…a non-important thing.  Nothing could be further from the truth!

After hibernating all winter, it will be nice to get outside.  Those of you who know me understand that in “hibernating” I am bear-like in that respect.  I do not like to leave the house in the snow and freezing rain.  Who wants to get cold?  Actually, there are a lot of people who like the cold.  They are crazy.

There should be a home for snow-loving crazy people so they can all be with their own kind.  Phrases like “oh I love the snow!” and “the cold weather is bracing” need to be removed from my sphere.  It just gives me murderous thoughts.  I’d like to stab them to death with an icicle!

I have one friend who hates warm weather.  He knows who he is.  *glares at said friend from afar*  Who hates warm weather?  I’ll tell you who, skiers!  They put on all of their gear and they are ostensibly smiling under that ski mask.  I want to hang them with their scarves and play pinata with them using their own ski poles!

When I was a kid, one of my Dad’s favorite pastimes was ice fishing.  We didn’t have a shack, we just stood on the ice, in the middle of the lake waiting for the flag to go up.  It’s a terrible thing when one wants to push one’s father into an icy hole.  He was making me suffer and that big, iron ice chipper was right there and I could just…see what I mean? Murderous thoughts!

In my world, roller skaters and rollerbladers get to live and ice skaters are doomed.  I’d slash their little throats with their own skate blades.  Of course, they have little throats because they are always perfectly slim.  Yet another reason to hate them.  Roller skaters are a sturdier lot and rollerbladers love the sun, so they get to live.

Then there are those snowshoers.  I have to admit, I really like the old-fashioned snowshoes with the pretty webbing and the bent, wooden frames.  They look lovely crisscrossed on the wall of a rustic cabin.  Those people who choose to wear them on their feet and go slogging across the terrain are another matter indeed.  For them, I wish a snow-covered stream edge would have them up to their knees in cold water.  This, of course, would cause them to lose balance and fall and hit their head on a rock.  Yet another wonderful winter fatality.  Murderous thoughts sustain me.

For those in my life who have survived another winter, I can only say that you are very lucky that I tend to hibernate.  My hibernation greatly reduces the possibility of my engineering your frostbitten death.  I have one more thing to say to these insane cold-loving people:

HAPPY SPRING SUCKERS!!!

They Used The B-Word And I’m Ticked

Yup, they said it!  Right there on the TV.  Another storm coming.  We had more than a foot a few days ago and now another storm has just started.  The last one was a nor’easter and this one is, too.  That’s a relatively big storm coming from, you guessed it, the North East.  That storm made me grumpy, as you well know.  Today the weather people are just taking their lives into their own hands.  More than one of them said that we are going to have a BLIZZARD!!!  Aww, c’mon people!  Are you freaking kidding me?

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I finally decided that there must be one angry god or goddess hating the Hades out of us up here in New England.  I looked it up and this is what I found:

“Khione is the Greek goddess of snow, daughter of Boreas, god of the North Wind and Winter, and sister of Zethes and Calais. She is depicted as a goddess in the series, although in some myths she is visualized as a snow nymph.”

Let me just make it perfectly clear, Khione.  Your number is up!  I am about to go on a Khione-killing mission. So girl, you’d better make yourself scarce.  Scarce as in skeddadle, baby!  Take a powder!  Yes, take all of the powder with you!  I’m not kidding!  I have dragons and they will smite you.  Or at least melt you a bit, so if you don’t want to get all melty, get out!

You know, I complain about Winter a lot here.  Much of it is in jest.  After all, I live in Maine and Winter is to be expected.  A long, cold winter is to be expected.  But today I’m just ticked off.  Can you tell?

So think of us in New England as we are digging out, yet again.  Meanwhile, I’ll be summoning the dragons!

 

The Musings of a Tipsy Mailbox

Today we are going to get our first ‘real’ snow storm.  Winter is here, and as much as I want to shut my door in its frigid face, it just keeps right on a-comin’.  The ground is frozen and that’s just a nuisance when I need to be shored up.  Linda is lazy.  She could have done this last summer, but no!  Why do I need shoring up?  I need it because I got pushed back last winter by a snow plow.  A big stupid plow like this:

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Do you see what I’m up against here?  Do you see what gets flung at me all winter long?  Snow, and lots of it!  Let’s suffice it to say that winter hates me and the feeling is oh so mutual.

There is one thing that makes me feel better.  Linda hates winter, too.  She tells everyone how brave I am.  She didn’t shore me up when she should have but at least she says nice things about me.  I’d stand up straight with pride but there was that whole plow thing so now I have to lean back precariously with pride.

Bruce is my mailman and he feeds me six days a week even though I’m a little tipsy.  Lately, he’s been doing the weirdest thing.  He’s been feeding me snow!  ON PURPOSE!!!  Granted, the snow-like stuff is contained in sealed envelopes, but I’ve never seen such a thing.  Who sends snow in the mail?  I’ll tell you who!  Bloggers who send Linda Christmas cards.  They are a tricky bunch all banding together in their snowy solidarity.

Don’t these bloggers know that snow is evil?  If they do, then why are they sending it to Linda since she hates it so much?  Obviously, Linda has enemies.  No, even worse, they are frenemies!  I don’t want to be any part of your nefarious plans, you snow-loving frenemies!  You know who you are!  So do I!  You’d better watch out!  I’m going to kick addresses and take names!

 

 

Pic sourced from the Maine Morning Sentinel