Guest in Jest and Weekly Request #98

fThis Week’s Guest is Silently Smouldering Words

 

Have a joke or humorous post?

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

 

  1. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
  2. The post can be one that has been posted before, elsewhere. 3.
  3. Multiple submissions are encouraged!
  4. The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

 C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

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Guest in Jest #97 Being Aunt Debbie

This week’s Guest in Jest guest is Being Aunt Debbie

 

Farts!

Many years ago, my Dad received a birthday card from one of his siblings and I thought it was funny enough to write down the poem and save it. I found it a few days ago, since I’ve been going through clutter, and I thought I’d share. I hope you get a kick out of it. We thought it was hilarious, but then again all of my family has been blessed with an odd sense of humor. So, who knows if anyone else will think it’s funny!

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A fart can be quiet
A fart can be loud
Some leave a powerful
poisonous cloud

A fart can be short
A fart can be long
Some farts have been known
to sound just like a song

A fart can create
a most curious medley
A fart can be harmless
or silent but deadly

A fart might not smell
while others are vile
A fart may pass quickly
or linger a while

A fart can occur
in a number of places
and leave everyone
with strange looks
on their faces

From wide-open prairie
to small elevator
A fart will find all of us
sooner or later

But not all farts are bad
this is simply not true
We mustn’t forget
dear sweet old farts like you!

(Author Unknown)

PS  As I was about to hit ‘publish’ I heard Dad in the other room rip off a good one! Old farts are the best…

 

Have a joke or humorous post?

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

 

  1. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
  2. The post can be one that has been posted before, elsewhere. 3.
  3. Multiple submissions are encouraged!
  4. The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

 C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

Guest in Jest and Weekly Request #97

This week’s Guest in Jest guest is Being Aunt Debbie

 

Have a joke or humorous post?

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

 

  1. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
  2. The post can be one that has been posted before, elsewhere. 3.
  3. Multiple submissions are encouraged!
  4. The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

 C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

Guest in Jest #96 The Arty Plantsman

This week’s Guest in Jest is The Arty Plantsman

I died in 1991 apparently. You would think I would have noticed.
In 1991 I was working shifts in a chemical factory. One night shift I was recovering from flu but dragged myself to work. Plus I had an unbroken attendance record for 6 years to uphold.
Around 2 am I started having chest pains. Carefully I started walking up the stairs to our break room for a sit down. I did not make it and an ambulance was called. An hour later I was in hospital being prodded and examined. They diagnosed pleurisy and put me on an antibiotic drip. 2 days later my fever had gone and I was discharged. To this day the only time I have been in hospital overnight.
Anyway. Being quickly carted off in an ambulance meant that some of my personal belongings, including my wallet, were still in my locker at work and I had strangely heard nothing from my colleagues. So my wife drove me there to collect them, knowing I would be off work for at least a few more days.
As I walked, looking very pale and sick, through the factory to my department I became conscious that people were doing a double-take when they saw me. I just thought “goodness – I must look really sick”.
I got to my department. My boss went pale when he saw me. Then his eyes slid down to his desk where I saw a condolences card addressed to my wife…
Apparently a rumour had started that I had died in the ambulance three days earlier, and nobody had thought to check!
Addendum: Despite my six years unbroken attendance and the fact that I was taken from work by ambulance my boss was instructed by HR to give me a warning when I returned from sick leave. At least he had the decency to look sheepish.

Have a joke or humorous post?

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

 

  1. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
  2. The post can be one that has been posted before, elsewhere. 3.
  3. Multiple submissions are encouraged!
  4. The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

 C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

 

Guest in Jest and Weekly Request #96

This week’s Guest in Jest is The Arty Plantsman

 

Have a joke or humorous post?

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

 

  1. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
  2. The post can be one that has been posted before, elsewhere. 3.
  3. Multiple submissions are encouraged!
  4. The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

 C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

 

Ruffled Feathers

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The American Bald Eagle is alive and well at our pond.  Word has it that there are two adults and four juveniles hunting along the shore.  Having lived during the time that these wonderful birds were on the brink of extinction, this sight makes me happier than you can imagine.  The inimitable Debb Heald has captured this bird superbly, and I must thank her again for sharing her photos here.

Disclaimer: I must warn you that immediately after the wonderful pictures, there will be a commentary of a historical nature that, though intermittently funny, may be dry to some.  However, I promise it will include Ben Franklin, scandalous ornithological revelations, and Cincinnati.  Yes, I said Cincinnati.

 

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These photos spurred me on to do a little research about how the American Bald Eagle was chosen to be on the official seal of the United States.  Spoiler alert!  It was done by committee!  Three of them, to be exact!  But let’s get on with the popular myth.

I had always been told that when the Founding Fathers were trying to choose a symbol for our fledgling (sorry, couldn’t resist) country, Ben Franklin urged everyone to use a Wild Turkey on the seal, but he was outvoted and the Bald Eagle was chosen instead.  Imagine my surprise when I found out that this was untrue…mostly.  He, along with Thomas Jefferson and John Adams, failed to come up with an appropriate seal.  Two more committees failed as well.  The secretary of Congress, a guy named Charles Thomson, took the work from the three committees and cobbled together the best parts of each.  You know, if the Founding Mothers were in charge of this whole seal thing, it would have been done in an afternoon with a bit of embroidery while having a cup of tea.

Yeah, I know…boring history.  I promise it will get better.  You just wait.  We haven’t even gotten to the scandalous ornithological revelations, yet.  Or Cincinnati!  Let’s carry on, and just to give you a little motivation, there will be a quiz.

There isn’t any proof that Franklin lobbied for the Turkey over the Eagle, but after the choice was made, he certainly had opinions on both!  In fact, according to the Franklin Institute, he sent a letter to his daughter giving his views on the seal design, and a few other things, as well.  I just have to include it here because he made me laugh, as Franklin often does.

“For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly. You may have seen him perched on some dead Tree near the River, where, too lazy to fish for himself, he watches the Labour of the Fishing Hawk; and when that diligent Bird has at length taken a Fish, and is bearing it to his Nest for the Support of his Mate and young Ones, the Bald Eagle pursues him and takes it from him.

With all this injustice, he is never in good case but like those among men who live by sharping & robbing he is generally poor and often very lousy. Besides he is a rank coward: The little King Bird not bigger than a Sparrow attacks him boldly and drives him out of the district. He is therefore by no means a proper emblem for the brave and honest Cincinnati of America who have driven all the King birds from our country…

“I am on this account not displeased that the Figure is not known as a Bald Eagle, but looks more like a Turkey. For the Truth the Turkey is in Comparison a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America… He is besides, though a little vain & silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on.”

Hey, hold on here.  Is it true that the American Bald Eagle steals his food from the Fishing Hawk (otherwise known as the Osprey)?  We have Osprey on the pond, too.  I’m not sure if that alleged fish-stealing behavior is smart or mean…or both!  Debb, you’ll have to take a pic if you see this happening.  We need proof that Franklin was right.  Otherwise, I’m just going to go on believing that the Bald Eagle would never do such a thing.

Now, what about the part where a Kingbird will attack an Eagle and shoo him away!?  That can’t be true.  Maybe Franklin was making the point that the Bald Eagle wasn’t a fit symbol to represent America when faced with a tyrannical King.  Of course, these early Americans were greatly vexed by the King of England so that made some sense.  But what was it about this Kingbird that was so great and powerful?

Of course, now I had to learn more about the Eastern Kingbird.  When I pulled up the Audobon webpage, the first thing I saw was the Latin name for the bird in question:  Tyrannus tyrannus.  So this little bird is aggressive enough to earn a name that means tyrant…twice!!  Interesting tidbit (at least to me,) the Kingbird is part of a family called the Tyrant Flycatchers.  One of the members of this family is the Eastern Wood Pee Wee.  When I saw that I actually laughed out loud.  If England can have a Great Tit, I guess it’s only fair that we can have a Wood Pee Wee.  But I digress…

Franklin left me with another burning question.  There was that bit about the eagle not being the proper emblem for the “brave and honest Cincinnati of America.”  What does this bird kerfuffle have to do with a city in Ohio?  Come to find out, ‘The Cincinnati of America’ was the first U.S.veterans’ organization whose first president was, you guessed it, George Washington!   The city was actually named after that organization comprised of Revolutionary war heroes.

Just leave it to Franklin to send me down multiple rabbit holes all at once!  And people wonder why I’m up half the night!  *insert joke about night owls here*  😉  Once I start researching something, there’s no stopping me.

So there we have it.  An American myth debunked…mostly, a majestic bird besmirched, a bit of satirical 18th-century political commentary, a little insight into my late night rabbit hole habits, and some info on a tyrannical bird the size of a sparrow.*  And Cincinnati!  One must never forget Cincinnati.

You just never know what you’ll find here on Everyone Else Has The Best Titles!  And for those of you who made it to the end, I thank you.  Just so I know who really did stick with me this far, please comment with the name of the bird you like best in this piece.  All two of you.  😉

 

*In truth, Eastern Kingbirds are actually quite a bit bigger than most sparrows…I just looked it up! 😉

 

Guest in Jest #95 LISMORE PAPER

This week’s Guest in Jest is LISMORE PAPER

 

You know those people who apologize to their dog for leaving the house, yep that’s me. When I leave for work I explain that momma has to go make biscuit money. My husband just mentioned he is a little jealous of the dog.

I have always said if humans could love like a dog, this world would be a much better place. Scientists have said the feeling of love we get in the early stages of a relationship is what a dog feels when we arrive home after a long day. The happiness they express as their tail knocks everything over in sight and their little backend shakes uncontrollably…now that is love. I don’t see any other hiney shaking for me…just sayin.

I have always been a dog person. I love the devotion, love, and friendship that is built between an owner and dog…really though I think the dogs own us. Have you ever seen, The Secret Life of Pets? I really think this happens. If you are a pet owner, its a must watch. I always try to imagine what goes on while we are away. I think Esme and Walter “Dog Talk” while Linda and myself are away. You can see by the picture, I captured some shenanigans going on.

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My sweet Esme is a black german shepherd. She has such a beautiful soul. Her tender heart and fierce love truly is the greatest gift I could ever receive. They always say you don’t get the dog you want, you are gifted the dog you need. We were gifted with her sister, Ester, for five years before she crossed the rainbow bridge. They truly were sisters, fighting and grumbling one moment and protecting each other the next.

With that said, I love reading quotes about dogs. Here are a few of my favorites:

“You can always find hope in a dogs eyes.”

“Home is where someone runs to greet me.”

“Everyone thinks they have the best dog, but none of them are wrong.”

“Live.Love.Bark”

“Love. Wet Noses. Sloppy Wet Kisses. Wagging Tails. Full Heart.

My wish for you is to know the love of a dog. If you have the opportunity adopt a dog, you will not only change their life, it will change yours!

 

Have a joke or humorous post?

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

 

  1. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
  2. The post can be one that has been posted before, elsewhere. 3.
  3. Multiple submissions are encouraged!
  4. The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

 C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

 

 

Guest in Jest and Weekly Request #95

This week’s  “Guest in Jest” guest is  LISMORE PAPER

 

Have a joke or humorous post?

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

 

  1. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
  2. The post can be one that has been posted before, elsewhere. 3.
  3. Multiple submissions are encouraged!
  4. The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

 C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

Guest in Jest #94 Sham

This week’s  “Guest in Jest” guest is  Mohamad al Karbi’s little daughter Sham.  You can see his blog here

 

Here’s Sham’s joke:

A farmer invited his friend to visit his farm. There were sheep at the farm; half of them are white and the rest are black. When the friend saw the sheep, he asked:
– Where do these sheep sleep?
– Are you asking about the white sheep or the black ones?
– The white
– They sleep at the barn of the farm.
– And the black?
– They sleep at the same barn too.
– What do you feed these sheep?
– Which ones do you mean, the white or the black?
– The white ones
– I feed them so and so
– And the black ones?
– I feed them the same.
– Which doctor is checking on the sheep?
– Which ones are you referring to, the white or the black sheep?
– The white ones.
– Dr. John Due
– And the black?
– The same doctor is checking on them too.
– Why are you keep saying white and black then?
– Because the white sheep are mine.
– And the black?
– They are mine too.

Have a joke or humorous post?

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

 

  1. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
  2. The post can be one that has been posted before, elsewhere. 3.
  3. Multiple submissions are encouraged!
  4. The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

 C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

stupid, Stupid, STUPID!

I suppose it was just a matter of time.

I really thought I was smarter than this, but I guess not.

I fell for an internet spammer.

 

I got an email from my aunt.  It said she was traveling and needed to send an iTunes card to our niece.  She asked me if I would do it and she would pay me back.  Sure!  She’s in her mid-80’s and I was happy to help out while she was on the road.

Here’s the sad part.  Apple actually called me to make sure it was a legitimate transaction.  In my mind, of course it was!  My aunt actually was traveling and the person she wanted to send it to had my niece’s name.  Her email address looked a little odd, but I hadn’t been in touch with her for a while, so I never thought a thing about it.

So be careful if you get an email from a relative or friend giving information that is up to date, and appears legit.  Hackers know everything about everyone.  It’s rather disconcerting to learn that they know when someone is actually traveling and a family member’s name.

I keep slapping my forehead and saying:  “stupid, Stupid, STUPID!”