The Dog Who Knew Too Much

We used to have a Berger des Pyrenees named Margot.  Now that sounds all fancy for a sheep herding dog, but there it is.  These dogs have been around for centuries in the Pyrenees mountains in France.

Sheep herding dogs are notorious for being quick.  Margot was no different.  She was a perpetual motion machine.  Anytime she stopped moving you could just see in her face what she was thinking… “what’s next, what’s next, what’s next?!!!”

Beyond being quick, she was also smart.  She was too smart for her own good.  Actually, that’s not true.  She was too smart for OUR own good!  Not only was she smart, she was cunning.  She loved to chase the cats.  Our poor cats were taking their lives into their own paws if they dared to leap to the floor.

Margot loved to chase our black cat Echo the most.  She made his life miserable.  But the really strange thing was what she would do with our female cat Lily.  Margot would hump her!  I have never seen a dog hump a cat before, and certainly not a female dog humping a female cat!  All we could do was shake our heads.  We’d tried everything to make her stop, but it soon became evident that Lily wasn’t running away.  I’m not sure what that says about her, but back to Margot.

We have a dog door so the dogs can go outside anytime they want to.  Margot figured out that when she exited the dog door the cats would often jump down from whatever perch they were on.   Once she learned that, she would go out the dog door, wait on the other side for the thump of a descending cat, and rush back in for a chase!

The cats weren’t the only ones being duped by Margot.  If she barked like hell broke loose, Levi would jump off the bed to investigate.  Margot took that knowledge and would bark at absolutely nothing.  This would make Levi leave the bed and then Margot would get his cushy spot there.  It was all pre-warmed for her.  She was no fool. She was tricky!

When we got Levi, he was an adorable little Great Dane puppy.  Margot took one look at him and she took charge.  He was housebroken almost immediately.  I don’t know what she told him, but he listened.  Even when he weighed 120 lbs more than she did, she could still back him out of a room.  If he didn’t do what she wanted, she would take him by his throat!  She never hurt him, but by gosh, she got her point across!  Margot did not suffer fools gladly.  She was a “take no prisoners” kind of dog.

We knew we were in trouble when she learned how to how to open doors.  She could stand on her hind legs and take her paws and twist the knob!  After that, she was unstoppable!  We finally had to replace the door knobs with a type she couldn’t work.

I can’t leave out the potential homicidal maniacs.  Margot often thought people were coming to kill us.  At least you would think that by the ruckus she would make.  If someone was delivering something, they were coming to kill us.  If the trash man came, he was coming to kill us.  If friends came, they were coming to kill us.  Even the mailman was coming to kill us and he didn’t come any closer than the end of our driveway.  No one was above her suspicion. One day a delivery person came at the same time the trash man came and she was apoplectic!  I thought she would come unglued, but she lived to bark another day.

We lost Margot about 8 months ago and the house just isn’t the same.  No more crazy barking, no more being herded through the house, and very few people are coming to kill us.

 

Question #3

My friend Nel Nominated me for the Mystery Blogger Award.  She asked three questions. If you want to see the answers to questions one and two, you’ll have to see my previous post.  Question #3  was a stumper.  She wanted me to describe myself in three words. Here it goes:

Bat shit Crazy kinda sums me up.  Oh crap, my spell checker is saying that I can’t use bat shit because it’s really batshit (no space!?) and now I’m down to two words.  That’s inconvenient.  Now what?  Ok ok, Batshit Crazy Pants!  Wait!  That sounds like I have batshit (no space) on my crazy pants.  Hmmm…  Alright, I’m going to lose the pants.  I know what you are thinking and stop it right now!

 

I’m back to batshit (no space…still seems wrong.)  I think I’m going to lose the “batshit” because that seems to be getting me in trouble and that no-space thing is really stressing me out.  Wait, I might be onto something here…space-loving.  Hyphens kind of give the illusion of a space when there really isn’t one there.  I love my space, but for most people, it’s just an illusion.  I guess I can live with that.

So let’s see, we are left with “space-loving.”  I count that as one word, thanks to that illusion-producing hyphen.  Yikes, there’s another one!  As a space-loving creature, I’m also an introvert, so let’s throw that in there.  Damn, if I hadn’t made up that “hyphen linking two words together makes one-word rule,”  I’d be done now.  But no, I’ve got that whole “hoist by my own petard” situation going on here and I have no one to blame but myself.  I guess that was sort of understood, but I thought I’d drive the point home.

To recap, we have space-loving and introvert.  Wait!  I think I’ve got it!  Bat-shit-crazy space-loving introvert!  That’s me!

P.S.  I still miss my spaces, but I am mollified knowing that I hyphenated the hell out of it!

P.P.S.  I also like astronomy.

Mystery Blogger Award

Wow, thanks so much to Nel at Reactionary Tales for nominating me for this award.  If you haven’t checked out her blog, you are missing out.  She touches on topics from pink to fears, and all things in between.  Well, not ALL things, not yet anyway.  Otherwise, there wouldn’t be any more posts coming from her and that would be a damned shame.  So let’s just say that she touches on topics from pink to fears with MANY things in between.  Yes, that’s better.  Nel, I just gave you way out from that noose I had so nonchalantly put you in.  Please forgive me…

Nel, being the free spirit she is, started to do her Mystery Blogger Award by loosely stating the rules and then telling her readers to go to her nominator’s blog in case there were other rules that she wasn’t using.  No Nel, I am not going to Mark’s blog but I do like your idea of copy and pasta’ing this whole thing.  I’m a sucker for angel hair.

Also, I put a picture up there of a rock.  It’s a mystery how that rock stays where it is.  I figured if Nel can gloss over that whole rule thing I can put my mystery rock picture up there for my own entertainment.

I fear I’m being way too hard on Nel, so I’ll get on with it.  😘  Nel!

The rules of this Award are basically to nominate people and answer questions.  She didn’t tell me how many people to nominate, but she did give me the following questions:

  • What’s your favorite book or book series of all time?
  • If you could write for a TV show or movie, which one would it be and why?
  • If you could sum up your personality in 3 words, which words would you choose?

See what I did there? Typical copy and pasta.

What is my favorite book or series?  Basically anything by Tom Robbins.  If you like a bit of irreverence…ok a LOT of irreverence…he’s your go-to guy.  I’ve read his stuff over the decades and I haven’t been disappointed, yet.

What TV show or movie would I want to write for?  Perhaps The Big Bang Theory so I could write about Heisenberg without meaning Walter White…which I guess I just did, sort of.  Oh, and I’d also like to write for Breaking Bad where I could write about Heisenberg AND IT WOULD be about Walter White, but that’s not on anymore so back to The Big Bang Theory.  What was the question again?

Sum up my personality in 3 words?  Nel, I am sorry to disappoint, but I found that my answer was too long to post here because it became a post of its own.  Please refer to my next post entitled “Question #3.  Thank you.  😉

And now for the nominations!  *Drum roll*

brainyversatilityblog.wordpress.com

imcs4you.com

vinzpoetry.wordpress.com

thecagedbirdsingsweb.wordpress.com

lifeofanangela.wordpress.com

 

Now for the fun part.  I get to ask three questions:

What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Where did you go the last time you left your place?

What is the last thing you bought?

See, easy questions.  No big head-scrunchy thinking necessary.  No “describe yourself in three words” stuff.  *glares at Nel*  Remember Nel?  Haven’t visited her blog yet?  The link is right at the top of the page.  🙂

 

 

“Pennys” From Heaven

A few years ago I bought an old Saab 900 Turbo convertible.  She is awesome!  Even though she’s officially an antique, we drive her every year.  Each spring we liberate her from the barn where she hibernates during the winter.

When I bought her I knew I had to name her Penny.  It was a few months after my Mom died and she loved the name Penny.  She also loved the color green and that happened to be Penny’s color.

During my childhood, many things in my life were named Penny.  I think every single boat my Dad had was named and he had a lot of boats.  Even my guinea pig was named Penny!  I never really thought about it then; having the name Penny everywhere was just normal.

It wasn’t till I was an adult that I learned how Mom’s fondness for all things Penny started.  It seems my parents were on their honeymoon and they stayed in what was known then as a “housekeeping cottage.”   My Dad was an ardent fisherman and my mother was ardent about making my Dad happy.  So my fisherman Dad and my city Mom went off on a fishing honeymoon.  They both had a ball.

As my Mom was telling me this story, I kept wondering where the Penny part came in. Come to find out, the people who rented out the housekeeping cottages had a dog named Penny.  I said “That’s it?  That’s all there is to this long line of Pennys?  There was a dog you knew for one week in the 1950’s and we’ve been naming everything Penny since then?”  I was a bit nonplussed.  Ok, I was a lot nonplussed.  Then I started to wonder why I wasn’t named Penny.  I guess even my Mom didn’t want to name me after a dog, but I suppose it would have been an honor, all things considered. That Golden Retriever had such an impact on my Mom.  She must have been one hell of a dog!

When we first got Penny, she had wonky lights.  I’d open the back and the trunk lights would blink.  I’d touch the brake and the inside lights would blink.  I was convinced my mother was haunting me through Penny.  It was a happy haunting.  It pleased me everytime it happened.  It was like she was winking at me from beyond the grave.

Penny had a problem though.  The driver’s seat wouldn’t go back all the way.  I lived with it for a while but finally took it to the mechanic to see what was up.  He took the seat apart and fixed it.  When I asked him what was causing the trouble he showed me a badly crushed coin.  It was a penny.

Artist uses little everyday items to create something else

I absolutely love this! Flow Art Station posts unusual and very interesting art pieces. I have a feeling you’ll be seeing more reblogs of them here. LOVE THIS!

FLOW ART STATION

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Artist uses little everyday items to create something else

Instagram

In her series 100 Days of Tiny Things, artist Desirée De León  challenges her imagination by creating a hundred ink drawings with small everyday objects.

Currently a neuroscience student in Atlanta, the artist says she is continually “inspired by the inspired by the complexities of the brain and the possibilities of a blank canvas.”

Her works reflect this passion, with items like pieces of fruit and flower petals turned into completely something else. For instance, the pointy end of a crayon becomes a garden gnome’s hat, while blue petals are turned into Marge Simpson’s hair.

h/t: Lost At E Minor

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The Sunshine Blogger Award

Wow!  I can’t thank Roda enough for nominating me for this award.  If you have never visited her blog I entreat you to make your fingers fly to get there as soon as possible.  She is funny, insightful and just plain fun to read. Just click here and you will be glad y

What is the Sunshine Blogger Award?

The Sunshine Blogger Award is given to those who are creative, positive and inspiring, while spreading sunshine to the blogging community.

How Does It Work:

  • Thank the person(s) who nominated you in a blog post and link back to their blog
  •  Answer the 11 questions sent by the person who nominated you
  •  Nominate 11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions
  • List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo on your post and/or on your blog

My Nominations:

This is hard!  The last time I did this I had a very difficult time choosing.  This time will be just as hard, but I will pick a new group so my followers will learn of even more great blogs!  Here are some recent posts in no particular order….

https://paperfluff.wordpress.com/

https://dogtown.blog/

https://motheringmarriageandmenopause.wordpress.com/

https://lifemorethanexistence.com/2017/05/10/thoughts/

http://likethebike.com/challenge/break-for-cycling/

https://communityconversationsblog.wordpress.com/2017/05/08/internet-troubles/

https://therobinsnest2017.com/2017/05/10/all-over-the-decorating-spectrum/

https://soberinvegas.wordpress.com/2017/05/05/sober-in-vegas-the-neon-museum/

https://flowartstation.com/2017/05/10/abstract-neon-lighting-suspended-within-tate-britain/

https://theyoungandadventurous.wordpress.com/2017/05/11/slow-small-steps/

https://roadsbeltravelled.com/2017/05/10/hiking-devils-punchbowl-devils-chair/

 

And nominees, I totally understand if you don’t have time for this, espeically if you’ve been nominated for awards recently.  The important thing is to get the word out about your blogs.  Think of it as a blogging Ponzi scheme meant to connect us all in a web of fun and frolic.  Ok, frolic might have been a little over the top, but fun…for sure!

Roda’s Questions:

 

Use one word to describe yourself. – Questioning

What is your favorite season? Why? – Summer!  Hammocks, convertibles, the lake...

Are you a city mouse or a country mouse? – country

What is your superpower?  Negotiation

Why do you write? – Writing funny stories helps me cope with my depression and meeting new people from around the world.

What is your favorite book? –Anything by Tom Robbins

What brings you JOY? – Not necessarily in this order: My animals, my husband, learning new things, nature, kindness

What is your favorite fruit? – watermelon

Who is your role model? Why? – Everyone I’ve met, plus a few others.  This seems like a copout, but everyone has something to teach and I like to think I learn something from everyone.

If you could visit any place in the world, where would you go? – My brain.  I’d like to be a nanobot and travel around in there to see what makes me tick.  I’d bring a toolkit, too.  I need a lot of repairs!

What do you love most about YOU? – My curiosity.  

 

Linda’s Questions:

1. What do you believe is the root of the world’s problems today?

2. If you could be a television star, what character would you want to be?

3. Other than basic necessities, what are 3 things you would take with you as you colonize Mars?

4.  What is the title of the book you would write if you were stranded on a desert island?

5.  If you were a color, what would it be, and why?

6.  What food do you absolutely detest?

7.  In the “Queen/King of the World” election, who would you vote for and why?

8.  What is the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?

9.  If you could pick an existing symbol/icon/logo to represent you, what would it be and why?

10.  What is your favorite joke that you’ve told more than once?

11.  What is your favorite mode of transportation, even if you’ve never experienced it?

Almost Evil

Many years ago I discovered IRC which is short for Internet Relay Chat.   Now, it is considered an ancient form of communication but it was the precursor to instant messaging and chat rooms.  My involvement started when I became interested in rubber stamping.   Ok, I’ll just pause here while you try to figure out why I would be interested in rubber stamps.  Got it?  No?   Are you really going to make me admit that I want to be an artist but I can’t draw for the life of me and rubber stamped images kind of give me a head start?  Do you feel better now?  Do you!?

Now that I’ve been totally humiliated, I’ll get back to my story.  I found out there was a place online where I could join a chat room and talk to other people who like rubber stamping, too. Yes, there are others!  It was fun till this guy came in and threatened to take over the little server we were on.

That was the beginning.  The guy’s nickname was Froolap.  This geeky guy kept telling us that he was exposing our security flaws and tried to tell us how to fix them.  Most of the middle-aged ladies there had no computer savvy whatsoever and I was in the same boat. Froolap obviously had skills, and who knew what he was capable of?  They were afraid, but I was intrigued.  I wanted to learn more.

Sure that he was just an internet troll, the ladies banned him.  Now it is true that he played a lot of pranks on them so he sort of deserved it.  He put a bot in the channel that would spy on them and when he reentered the channel he could repeat the things they said in his absence.  That freaked them out, they thought he was some sort of hacker who could divine their very thoughts.

I think it was his CC Grabber scam that put the ladies over the top.  When they wouldn’t believe him about the very real security flaws the server had, he figured he’d scare some sense into them.  He told them that he had a way to get their credit card numbers.  I imagined their eyes growing large with fear on their faces.  Their fears were soon realized when he told them to hold their credit cards up to the screen and he would recite the number.  They must have thought he put his swami hat on because he started saying “I see a 3 oh and I see a 5.”  By that time they were totally going crazy and completely convinced that he had read their cards through their computer screens.  Hey, Kellyanne Conway had nothing on them.  It was about that time that they banned him.

Before that happened, I had asked Froolap how I could learn some of these techy things and he took me to a channel (that’s what they call chat rooms on IRC) on the Efnet server.  It was chock-a-block full of real geeks.  These guys knew their stuff.  I had no idea what their stuff was because I didn’t understand the jargon, but they sure did know it!  I was on a real server now.

I had a blast there.  I created my own little channel called #papermoon.  I learned the jargon and the commands. I learned 1337speak where numbers take the place of some letters. I learned how to run a bot!  All of this happened more than a decade ago and I’ve forgotten half of it.  However, the channel is still there, though it’s just greatly diminished.  IRC is dying in favor of newer technology.

While on IRC I also saw the underbelly of the internet.  A lot of the people I hung out with were hackers.  Real hackers, not just pranksters like Froolap.  Some were the good-guy white hats, some black hats, but mostly they were gray.  I was really glad they were my friends and not my foes.  I experienced real internet trolls who tried to take over my channel.  I learned first hand that some of the people on the internet are truly evil.  In jest, I mentioned to a friend that I wanted to be evil.  He joked that I was “almost evil.”  That made me laugh.  How fitting for a geek-wannabe.

Then it struck me.  So many years before, Froolap came to a little channel and tried to help, but was looked upon as evil.  I guess he was “almost evil” long before I was.

Without him, I never would have had those wonderful experiences or made the friends I still hold dear to this day.  We lost Froo a year ago to suicide but he and I got to tell that story to a lot of friends that drifted through the channel over the years.  I owe Froolap a great deal and I’m grateful that he knew that before he died.

Portmanteaus

I am putting out a call for everyone’s favorite portmanteaus.  These are words that have been created by melding two other words together.  Let me give you a few examples:

Smog = Smoke + Fog

Blog = Web + Log

Brunch = Breakfast + Lunch

One of my mother’s favorites:  Fantabulous = Fantastic + Fabulous

One of Bill’s coworkers came up with:  Gription = Grip + Traction

My personal favorite, because it’s such fun to say:  Spork = Spoon + Fork

I want to hear your favorites.  If you make them up, that’s all the better!  Let’s have some fun with words!

 

Put It Away!!!!

I had a request for a snippet so here we go…

Walter, is my crazy Great Dane puppy.  I know, you’ve heard about him many times before, and there will be more in the future.  He’s THAT crazy!

Anyhow, Walter has a tendency to be rather immodest.  He will often sit in such a way to show off his manly dog parts.  When he does this, I will say “Put your penis away!”  One day my friend Wendy was over and suddenly Walter decided to expose himself.  When I said, “Put your penis away!”  Wendy chuckled.  We both practically died laughing when we heard my husband from the other end of the house say “Yes, dear.”

Scottie Heads and Bunny Butts

Recently I was eating shortbread.  I love shortbread and when I was in the store, I was quite taken with mini shortbread cookies in the form of Scotties.  Being the dog lover I am, I had to have them.  However, when I sat down to munch, something occurred to me.  I tended to eat the heads first and then the rest.  Hmm, should I do that, or eat the tails first, or crush the whole thing at once like a trash compactor?  It was a conundrum.

All of this brings us to my true question.  Easter is over, but I want to know whether you eat chocolate bunnies ears first or tail first.  I’ve always gone for the ears myself, and I guess that is in line with my current Scottie head-chomping situation.

I asked around and most people were ear-people and ate the heads first, but one friend told me he liked to eat the bunny butt first.  When he told me that I was speechless.  I am never speechless.  I mean, this was just wrong on so many levels!  First, oh hell there is no “first” that I can type here!  Like I said: wrong.on.so.many.levels!!!

What really shocked me was that I had a friend who was a bunny-butt muncher.  What did that say about me?  We’re still friends, but I look at him differently now.  Why couldn’t he just be a rabbit decapitator like the rest of the world?