Interesting URL: Mansplaining

This behavior can be used by either sex, don’t let the term fool you.  Even though the whole idea of Mansplaining is abhorrent to me, this article explains the concept perfectly with a bit of wit and irony.

Mansplaining

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Quid Pro Quote #12

it’s better to have a bird in the hand, rather than two on the tree

Another one from our friend Novus Lectio

it’s better to have a bird in the hand, rather than two on the tree

 

I find it interesting that some of the quotes we’ve had from other languages are very close to the ones in English.  It would be great to have more quotes from other lands.  Actually, it would be great to have more quotes in general.  I only have one in the backlog.

My Starbucks Tail

About three years ago I was diagnosed with cancer.  I went in for surgery, had a few complications, and was stuck in the hospital a few extra days.  During that time I was dosed up on some pretty hefty pain pills.  I’m allergic to opioids, but they gave me something just as strong, if not stronger.

When I was finally set free, we had a two-hour drive to get home.  Being a passenger post-surgery is never a pleasant thing and I knew I was going to suffer so I took the pain pills just before we left the hospital.

About an hour into the drive we decided to stop at Starbucks for some coffee and a much-needed bathroom break.  I came out of the restroom and was trying to figure out what I wanted while I was experiencing drug-induced head spins.

Suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I looked around and this very well-dressed lady pointed to my backside.  It was only then that I saw the trail of toilet paper that went from the back of my pants to the bathroom which was a good 10 feet away.

I was higher than a kite and I have no idea what I said to her, but I remember her saying:  “It happens to all of us.”  No lady, it doesn’t.  It doesn’t happen to all of us.  It could only happen to me.

 


 

 

Guest in Jest #9 Jessica Bakkers

 

G’day, I’m Jess from Down Under and I decided to write this whole post in ‘Strayan (that’s Australian).

Youse blokes reckon we speak English down here but you’ve got the wrong end of the stick, mate. Down under we speak ‘Strayan. When the pommes and yanks come over for holidays they look at us like we’re batshit crazy when we open our mouths. Probably because they only understand one word in ten but also because we let rip with a few ‘bloody oaths’… and worse! See, swearing down under isn’t quite the nasty it is overseas. Two mates will often refer to one another affectionately as “Aw, you sick c**t”. And if we’re unsure of something, we quite happily proclaim “Buggered if I know!” Even when we’re trying to be polite, swearing just pops into the Aussie drawl… “I’m busy as a blue-arsed fly today.”

But, no worries mate, we might be a bit feral but our blood’s worth bottling. If your car carks it on the side of the road we wouldn’t leave you stranded on the footpath with buckley’s chance of getting home, no way! We’d pull up in the ute, stick Bluey in the back and offer you a ride to the local pub. And if we can get mates rates we’ll talk Johnno the mechanic into giving you a fair go to fix your ride. We’re heaps helpful that way. And don’t worry about Johnno, he might seem iffy but he’s pretty ridgy-didge and he reckons fixing up old cars is a piece of piss anyway.

But until you’re right again we’d offer you a pozzy at our place and put on a barbie. You don’t have to bring a plate seeing as you’re a blow in, but it’d be grouse if you give our beer a burl; stick the VB up your bum and go for Boags. And at the end of the night when you’re chocka block, on the turps and the party’s going off, if you see a sheila and or a bloke you fancy we’ll even help you shack up and won’t tell no furphy’s tomorrow! Pig’s arse!

So come on down under and give ‘Straya a fair go. You’ll be stoked you did.

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My self-titled blog is a mixture of short stories, poetry and weird musings. As you can tell, I’m hardly ever serious (except when I am) and I love to laugh. Please drop by and say G’day.

https://jessicabakkers.com/

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Please join us in our Guest of Jest series.

Here are the rules:

  1. Tell us a bit about yourself, including where you are from.
  2. Give us some info about your blog.  Make sure to add a link to it.
  3. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
  4. Pictures optional, but encouraged.
  5. The post can be one that has been posted before.

The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

Just email Linda at mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com with a submission and you will be scheduled for publication in order of submission.  This series will run every Friday on mainepaperpusher.wordpress.com 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal

Guest in Jest and Weekly Request

This week’s  “Guest in Jest” #9 guest is  Jessica Bakkers

Be sure to check it out!

This is where I start my shameless begging:

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everybody Else Has the Best Titles

Here are the rules:

  1. Give us some info about your blog.  Make sure to add a link to it.
  2. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
  3. Pictures optional, but encouraged.
  4. The post can be one that has been posted before.

The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

C’mon, you know you want to!

Humph! Day #7 I’m Having Her Baby

When I found out that a number of my posts were buried away in the archives rather than published in order, the first word that came out of my mouth was Humph!!! I decided I would reincarnate some of my old posts in a regular weekly series and I’d call it Humph! Day.  What better day of the week should I have Humph! Day?  Wednesday, of course.

I’m Having Her Baby

During my first year of college, I made an extraordinary friend named Kate.  One of the smartest people I’d ever met, I knew she would go on to do some pretty amazing things in her chosen field of genetics.

After our time at school ended we drifted apart, but a few years later she got in touch. She informed me that I had tested positive on a pregnancy test.  This was news to me!

Come to find out, Kate worked in a lab that did pregnancy tests.  That was pretty handy for her to have the test but she didn’t want her co-workers to know that she might be expecting.  So she used my name and info on the test to find out that she was, in fact, about to be a parent!

Somewhere, in the bowels of a genetics lab in California, there are records of my pregnancy that never was.

What a Lovely Family Pet

I couldn’t have said this better myself…

jasperthefoxred

So very often my humans get comments about how great a ‘family dog’ I am. Labradors in general have a great reputation as a loving, family pet. And well let’s be honest, we are but that doesn’t mean that other pooches can’t be too. Recently we have noticed more often that people gravitate towards certain stereotypical ‘good dogs’ and give a wide birth to those with a more muddied reputation.

Because of this, i have decided to write a blog on how all dogs are good ‘family dogs’ given the right upbringing. Yes we agree that breed of course influences the nature of your pooch, but this just means that they need different training and families to fit into. I believe there is a pooch for everyone, even those who aren’t doggie lovers.

Labradors are by nature easy to train due to their often food driven brains. But we spoke…

View original post 412 more words

Franny

I have had very few cars in my lifetime.  This is partly because new cars are so darned expensive, but mostly because I grow attached to my cars.  I hope I’m not the only one who personifies cars.  If I am, this is going to be rather embarrassing.  That’s ok though, I’ve been known to embarrass myself a time or two.  There was this one time at Starbucks…oh wait, you didn’t come here to hear about my embarrassing Starbucks event.  We’ll leave that for another post, shall we?

Franny was the first car I ever had.  She was a 1976 Buick Skylark.  I inherited her from my Dad and about that time I was reading Salinger’s Franny and Zooey.  The cover of the book was maroon and the car was sort of close in color…ok maybe it wasn’t. But in my mind, it was…at the time.  So I named her Franny.  I don’t know why I didn’t name her Zooey.  Just be patient with me here.

The fact that she was named Franny really has no bearing on the story, but I refer to her by name so it will make it easier for you to keep up.  This is why I told you I personified my cars.  I might ramble but at least some of my earlier paragraphs lead up to the later ones.  Not all of them, though. You don’t know which ones are salient to the story that follows.  So you are forced to read through them all if you want a chance of keeping up.  This is how I suck you in.  I’m tricky that way.  At least I’m honest about it.  Mostly.

Anyhow, I had Franny for years.  At year 11 I had the only accident I’ve ever had.  I  was driving in slush at the end of April and went off the road and hit a telephone pole.  I had a bump here and there, but Franny was tough I wasn’t injured much at all.  I was, however, really unhappy because I spilled my coffee.  I’m not kidding, I was seriously ticked.

When I got out of the car I saw that Franny was a little dented, but all in all, she looked pretty good.  I drove her up to our auto body guy.  Yes, he was our auto body guy because we saw him quite often.  Did I mention that we keep cars forever?

The auto body guy took a look at the dent, looked under the car and came back to us with a weird expression.  He said: “You didn’t drive that here, did you?”  I told him I had.  He shot back: “How fast were you going?”  I told him I was going the speed limit, and that was 55mph.  He just shook his head and told me I was lucky to be alive.  I gave him a quizzical look.  He had this very serious look on his face as he told me that Franny’s frame was held together by a single bolt.  The others had all snapped in the accident.  I was driving along at 55mph with nothing between me and death except one lone bolt.

I don’t have a problem with living dangerously.  You might have read other posts of mine where I’ve described situations that might be considered ill-advised.  See?  That’s the problem right there.  On most of those occasions, I was alone and there was no one there to advise me.  So these lapses in judgment all stem from the absence of all of those potential advisors.  It’s obviously their fault, whoever they are, wherever they might be.  The point here is that I am not to blame.  I know what you are thinking and yes I do live in my own little world of denial.

Sorry, before I got caught up in that “it’s not my fault” rant I was about to say that I don’t mind taking risks if I am the one who decides to take them.  I do not like risky behavior foisted upon me by slushy roads and one-bolted Frannys.

You might think that would be the end of the story, but it wasn’t.  Our auto body guy fixed her dent, bolted her frame back together, and I had her for another two years.  The one thing he didn’t do was replace my mug of coffee.

Awards Received by Wonderful People ❤️

 

I am very excited and thankful that I have received a number of awards lately.  I love all of my nominators dearly.  Even though I can’t keep up with these awards, I didn’t want to ignore them, either.  I’ve decided to mention the award, the wonderful nominator and tell everyone exactly why they should visit their blogs.

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I have received the following from superwifeandmommy

Sunshine Blogger 

Unique Blogger award 

The Versatile Blogger Award

Apparently, Maria likes me a bit. 😉  She is a great deal of fun and writes some fabulous poetry.  Some of it is thoughtful, some really funny and many of her posts are great for kids.  Not only is she a great blogger, but she is a truly wonderful person.  She often says something witty when she comments and you know she’s read every single word.  Please check out her blog here Life, Family, Good Food  I promise she’ll make you smile. I feel very lucky that hers was the first post in my Guest in Jest series.  Here’s the link:  Guest in Jest #1 superwifeandmummy

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Nel has been kind enough to nominate me for the Growing Self Award   

Nel and I immediately hit it off.  She had nominated me for a couple of awards early on and she had conveniently bent the rules to suit herself. I, of course, could not let that go and had to give her a very hard time about it in all of my award answers as I totally flouted the rules myself in a rather snarky way.  If two wrongs don’t make a right, then Nel and I were very bad, indeed.  At least we were bonded in our badness and our friendship has never flagged.  Enjoy Nel’s blog Reactionary Tales  She has a very enlightening post every Thursday that focuses on endangered species and on Fridays she shares fun memes she’s found on Facebook that week.  On the other days, she posts about her everyday life which is quite out of the ordinary.

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Sherron has kindly nominated me for The Versatile Blogger Award  

I was a little intimidated when I found out that Sherron was following me.  Ok, I was a LOT intimidated because Sherron is a freelance proofreader and editor.  I knew that every time she read my posts she was thinking “no, that should be a semi-colon instead of a colon.”  Worse yet, I completely misuse ellipses and my overuse of question marks is legendary.  In spite of my flaws, Sherron has been gracious and witty.  You will not be disappointed if you visit her blog where she will discuss anything from Aspbergers to birthday month celebrations.  Check it out here Simply So

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Stephanie was caffeinated (haha)  enough to nominate me for the Growing Self Blogger Award

Stephanie and I bonded over migraines and, though that might sound dire, we had such a good time comparing notes that we expanded our conversations to include our other shared interests.  We both have our medical issues but somehow Stephanie has a sense of humor that truly makes me laugh out loud.  She even taught me how to make my own cold brew…from Starbucks, of course!  This humor shines through on her blog. If you like to read, visit Stephanie’s blog at Stephanie’s Novel Fiction   Here you will find book reviews by the score.  The woman loves to read and she loves to share her love of books with her followers.  Be sure to take a peek.

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Robin nominated me, probably because I tease her so, for the Growing Self Blogger Award

Now don’t go thinking that I tease Robin thoughtlessly.  I put a lot of thought into it!  She is ever so jazzed about each and every holiday that she has decorations for each!  For months, I’ve been giving her a very had time about decorating for the big holidays and neglecting Labor Day.  She has a fantastic sense of humor and her love of family and friends is amazing.  That love shines through on her blog where she talks about everyday occurrences that are often times funny as can be.  She does a daily post with a quote or funny saying.  Right now she is doing tongue twisters. Classic Robin!  Don’t miss the comments section on her posts as her comebacks can be every much as funny as her posts!  Check out her blog here The Robin’s Nest

Ask her to show you her Labor Day decorations…I dare ya!

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Cherylene was so sweet to nominate me for the Blogger Recognition Award

I’m only starting to get to know Cherylene, but I am quite taken with her blog living vs existing  She does Music Reflection Mondays and What’s up Wednesdays.  Those are a lot of fun, but really strikes me is the thought that she puts into the rest of her posts. They are uplifting and hopeful and talk about the issues in life that plague us all.  I feel very fortunate that I met Cherylene and I look forward to a great friendship

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Johanna surprisingly nominated for the Tell the Darkness To Get Lost Award  If she knew me better she’d know just how closely I clutch the darkness to my heart.  Ok, not really, but didn’t it sound dramatic!?

Johanna is a gem.  She is always making me laugh no matter how dire the circumstances.  She lives in Texas and is right in the thick of the aftermath of Harvey.  Yet still, she wrote a funny post that also sends a powerful message. All Donations are NOT All Created Equal Her blog is full of humor and mirth and you should really check it out.  If you could send her some kind and “dry” thoughts, that would be awesome! Momentum of Jo

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Emma took a chance on nominating me for the Real Neat Blog Award

You might wonder why I say that way but soon you’ll understand that Emma is brave on many fronts.  Emma dubbed this her Year of  Vulnerability.  I am in awe of her courage as she takes personal risks like asking a guy out or telling embarrassing stories about herself.  One of the funniest stories she’s told was graciously submitted for my Guest in Jest series.  Take a look here and enjoy one of the funniest posts I have ever read Guest in Jest yearofvulnerabilty Be sure to visit Emma’s blog to laugh and to cheer her on as she continues her yearofvulnerability

 

Minion image from Cluny91 on DeviantArt

Gracias Image from Guth Gafa