Are You All Mad?

I’m not quite sure how it happened, but I’ve amassed 500 followers.  Normal people would thank their followers and be humbled, yet proud.  I’m not normal.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate my followers, I love them!  Do I thank you?  I do…oh so very much!  Am I humbled and proud?  I think more than anything I’m bemused and confused…and thrilled!  What truly strikes me is the mindset that pushes someone to hit that “follow” button after reading something ridiculous I’ve written.  Are you all mad!?

Then the reality sets in.  Not only am I not normal, but my followers aren’t either.  What other explanation could there be?  How does it feel to be part of half a thousand abnormal people?  I truly hope it feels fine.  I truly hope you know how much I enjoy you, your blogs, and your comments.  I truly hope you never reach normality because you might find that “unfollow” button and that would sadly prove you have.

 

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Guest in Jest and Weekly Request

 

This week’s  “Guest in Jest” guest is  

 

 

THIS IS WHERE I START MY SHAMELESS BEGGING:

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

Give us some info about your blog.  Make sure to add a link to it.

Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.

Pictures optional, but encouraged.

The post can be one that has been posted before.

Multiple submissions are encouraged!

 

 The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

 

Homemade “Suet” Recipe For My Bird-Loving Friends

I got this from Audubon and thought it was a nifty way to keep the feeder stocked for those birds who need some fat to keep them going for the cold months.

 

Here’s the link:  http://www.audubon.org/news/make-your-own-suet.  I’m sure it will be Flicker approved!

 

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And for those of you who just can’t make your finger move enough to click on the link  (like I can’t before coffee) but can still scroll, the recipe is below.  😉

 

Make Your Own Suet

With this vegetarian version of suet (traditionally it’s made from rendered animal fat) you can provide the perfect winter substitute for birds that normally feast on insects. This lipid-rich treat can help prepare year-round residents for the long winter and is quite the draw for birds such as woodpeckers, wrens, chickadees, nuthatches, and titmice. Check out this recipe, inspired by “The Misfit Baker” blog.

Materials:

• 1 1/2 cups shortening (look for palm oil free options)

• 3/4 cups nut butter (any kind)

• 3 1/2 cups wild bird seed

• 1 cup quick oats

• 1/2 cup corn meal

• Ice cube tray

 

Steps:

1. Mix the dry ingredients of bird seed, oats, and corn meal together and set aside.

2. Combine the shortening and nut butter in a separate bowl and melt. Stir until completely combined.

3. Pour the melted mixture into the dry ingredients and stir until combined.

4. Spoon mixture into the ice cube tray.

5. Freeze for one to two hours and place in your suet feeder!

 

Note: Not recommended for outdoor temperatures above 50 degrees .

 

 

 

Photos courtesy of Roda at Growing Self

 

Guest in Jest #29 Rhapsody Bohème

Rhapsody Bohème

Ooopsie – Daisy

 I can’t believe that I actually named this post Ooopsie – Daisy, but it’s the first thing that came to mind and I’m sticking with it. I’m in the mood to write a “funny” but believe me when I say that this wasn’t something I initially found amusing. I would call myself lucky looking back and luckily, enough time has passed that I can laugh about it. So, what better way then to write about something funny and on top humiliate one self. Ok then, let’s get started, shall we.
The unlucky, lucky incident occurred on the 17th of October. I had worked all day and had to run an errand by stopping at the store before heading home. I wasn’t particularly thrilled about going after such a long day, and this one said store is rather anti-climactic. But there was no way around it and I already had prolonged going until the last minute. So off to that boring store it was for the sake of time, and because it offered a one stop shopping experience to all the things I needed. It would have to do tonight and it was a chore more than it would be shopping for fun.
Entering through the front door, the women’s clothing department was slightly to the left of me. Right away I zeroed in on a piece of clothing hanging towards the bottom of the rack, near the floor. It was the color and the design that captured my attention, even though I had no clue what it was that I had locked eyes with. Maybe leggings? Yeah, it must be something like that, yeah, I think leggings it is indeed. I walked closer, never once taking my eyes of that mystery piece that still needed to be fully identified. I squinted, eyes locked, but never did I lost my concentration. I must have looked like a predator, sneaking up on it’s prey, while observing my surroundings to notice if someone else had spotted the precious bounty. My steps are getting bigger and I pick up speed. I think I’m in good shape and it looks like I will make it there first. Whatever it is, I’m already sold on it and it shall be mine, regardless of fit and price. Now that I had came this far, the stars just must align, right? It must be meant to be, it just has to fit and how much could it possibly cost. I feel pretty good, I know I can afford it and no other predator is getting closer. I won’t have to beat someone with my purse. Ok the imagination is taking off here and I never, ever have actually done such a thing. But hey, there could be a first. Kidding….

I’m finally within reach of the free standing metal rack that is full of clothing items, although my eyes have been gazing at this ONE, single item hanging on the lower hook. I was right and leggings they are as my mind already pairs them up with other friends (complementary pieces of clothing) sitting in my closet at home. The motion never stops, one more step and my hand reaches down to pick up the mystery piece, but I never make it. I’m abruptly stopped by a loud noise and a force I can not identify right away. It takes a moment and I find myself stuck in an episode of dazed and confused. I catch on rather quickly as my hand instinctively travels towards my head and rubs my forehead. What the heck just happened, did I get struck from something falling from the sky? Within the store? It takes another moment to realize that I have been left pretty vulnerable in all my concentration and eye locking mode with this one piece of clothing. Apparently my peripheral vision went to s… and I ran full dab smack into the upper metal bar of that fixture. I almost cleared, almost, but I definitely hit it and I hit it hardddddd. “It”, the metal fixture never budged, but it brought me to a complete halt. Instantly a headache appeared but it was one of those moments when you are embarrassed and you think something like “Oh gee, I wonder who saw”. Still holding my head, I couldn’t tell how bad it was and decided to just walk away without drawing further attention to myself. Around the corner I went and found a mirror and the bright red mark left behind on my forehead. I had to hit pretty hard for it to leave this kind of mark. It actually stayed for a couple of stays and I might have had a slight concussion based on the headaches. But I guess I have a thick skull and all is recuperated and fine now. I can look back and laugh about it now, but at the time it was a dark moment and it literally scared the hell out of me. I never saw anybody looking at me funny, or giving me the indication that they had seen what happened. Still, I decided against the leggings and never went back to that rack again. Obviously the leggings were bad luck and I wasn’t meant to have them after all.No wound picture, but it got pretty dark for a moment and I’m pretty sure that I saw a few stars.

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This Week’s Guest in Jest Guest and Weekly Request

This week’s  “Guest in Jest” guest is  Rhapsody Bohème

THIS IS WHERE I START MY SHAMELESS BEGGING:

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

Give us some info about your blog.  Make sure to add a link to it.

Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.

Pictures optional, but encouraged.

The post can be one that has been posted before.

Multiple submissions are encouraged!

 

 The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

It’s All About The Numbers

Bill buys lottery tickets every once in a while.  Usually, it’s a way to avert a feeling of guilt if he uses a convenience store bathroom.  Now you may be wondering why I would be writing a post about convenience stores and Bill’s bodily functions.  I assure you, I am not.  You see, it was one of those ‘gotta pee lottery tickets’ that reminded me of one of the best pranks ever.

Ages ago I had a boss named Rod who had a great sense of humor.  Rod had the whole office laughing when he told us about a prank he played on his teenage daughter.  It was a weekly ritual for his family to grab the newspaper every Sunday morning and check out the winning lottery numbers.  They might get a number or two, but predictably, never won much.

Apparently, Rod’s daughter was fairly invested in this process.  She was perhaps overly enthusiastic, hoping they would “win big.”  One week they read the numbers, and as usual, they didn’t win anything.  The next week, they checked the newspaper and as Rod’s daughter read off the numbers, she got more and more excited.  Every number matched!  They were going to be millionaires!

Her jubilation was short-lived, however.  After having his bit of fun, her father had to confess that he had rigged the process.  He had gotten a ticket using the very same numbers that had won the week before.  Then he gave his daughter the previous week’s paper.  Of course, the numbers all matched!  She never read the date on the paper and the joke was on her.

I’m not sure if she ever forgave him for that one but we went into gales of laughter as he told his tale.  You know the old idiom ‘a day late and a dollar short?’  In this case it was a week late and many, many dollars short.

Guest in Jest #28 The Arty Plantsman

Intro: Hello, I am Darren. I blog at The Arty PlantsmanThe blog started out as a botanical art blog but my humour seems to be popular so I have expanded the blog to include more of this, musings on life and mental health etc.

 

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A true story.

Autumn 1990.

Picture a young and reckless Darren, aged 24. He is in the middle of a long night shift, driving a forklift from A to B. The highlight of his night is visiting the toilet. Until the forklift develops a fault:

Darren on phone to factory mechanic: “My forklift is playing up. Can one of you pop over to the pulp warehouse and have a look?”

Mechanic: “Bugger off mate. It is 2 o’clock in the morning and pissing down”

Darren: “The belt is running out of pulp and the whole site will shut in an hour if I can’t use the truck”

Mechanic: “sigh. Is it still running?”

Darren: “well, yes but..”

Mechanic; “Tell you what – bring it round the garage and we will have a look when we’ve had our brew”

Darren: “Oh. OK”

Ten minutes later. Two mechanics sit in the garage office, mugs in hand, when they hear a rumble as a forklift crosses the garage floor and crashes into the rear wall in a cloud of concrete dust.

Darren climbs down from the cab, brushes dust off his overalls and walks away, looking over his shoulder at the two mechanics he says:

“Brakes are fucked”

The Mug Says It All

Some of you know that I’ve been nicknamed The Dragon Queen here on WordPress.  Back when I was a fledgling blogger, a few months back, my friend Nel nominated me for the Liebster Award.  I can’t keep up with awards anymore but back then I was trying to do them right.  I failed.  It’s all Nel’s fault!  She broke the rules first!  Then there were the dragons…lots of dragons.  I don’t know what got into me.  You can see for yourself…

Liebster Award Dragon-style

All of this is leading up to this most wonderful gift I received today from my dearest friend Roda from Growing Self!  Check it out!  It is PERFECT!!  So you all better be believers!

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Guest in Jest Guest and Weekly Request

Yikes, I’m late in getting this out!

 

This week’s  “Guest in Jest” guest is  The Arty Plantsman

THIS IS WHERE I START MY SHAMELESS BEGGING:

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

Give us some info about your blog.  Make sure to add a link to it.

Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.

Pictures optional, but encouraged.

The post can be one that has been posted before.

Multiple submissions are encouraged!

 

 The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal