Seven Days Photo Challenge, Sort of…Featuring a Walk Around My House Day 3

For an explanation regarding this series, please see the intro here

 

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Maladjusted Mondays, Week 13

NOT Linda.

Greetings! I’m Janice Johnson. Thanks for joining the fun here on Maladjusted Mondays.  Linda heroically offered to host this collection of scathing exposés in which I rat out my uncooperative appliances. I originally published these posts on my blog, Joywriting: Everybody Has a Story, where I do occasionally write about something besides my appliances. You can visit me there any time by clicking here.

And now for the 13th post in the series, which first appeared on my blog May 29, 2017.

I’ve Been Hosed! (The Pool Cleaner)

Not gonna lie… we’re total newbies at having a swimming pool. I mean, we don’t trust ourselves to take care of it, but have professionals maintain the pool lest it end up infested with mold or jellyfish or something.

Adding to the pool’s entertainment value is an automatic cleaner that roams around the bottom and sides, looking like a cross between a Roomba and a defibrillator. It vacuums water in through the Roomba end, filters it, and pees it out via a three-foot hose. The hose swishes around, sometimes breaching the surface and squirting a bit of water onto our breakfast room windows.

Windex: buy stock.

Last Saturday, I glanced out the breakfast room door and was startled to see rain blowing into the patio. Going out to investigate, I found the “rain” was actually arcing up from the pool, thanks to the Roomba hose, which would surely re-submerge in a second.

Surely.
Re-submerge.

Any second now. . .

>gives up and moves in for a closer look<

Oh, wait. Maybe I’d better get the skimmer and un-wedge the spray end of the hose from that crevice between the rocks.

After freeing the hose, I checked around to find a puddle in the adjacent flower bed, and another in the lawn just beyond. My personal rainstorm must have gone on for at least ten minutes.

Apparently, the Pool Roomba has made friends with my other appliances and joined the revolt.

What’s next… piranhas?

Thanks for reading!
Jan

Seven Days Photo Challenge, Sort Of… Featuring A Walk Around My House Day 1

My dear friend Dee Dee at INVISIBLE-NO-MORE tagged me with the Seven Days Photo Challenge in which you have to post a single black and white photo every day for, you got it, seven days!

I really enjoyed Dee Dee’s photos a lot.  And even though I don’t do tags/awards and that sort of thing, this one was different…I owe Dee Dee.  She is one of the few folks who did my Black & White vs. Color Challenge more than once and so, you know, gotta pay my debts.  😉  However, you didn’t think I would play by the rules, did you?  Uh uh, nope, not happening.

Dee Dee, I will do your challenge.  I will do it for seven consecutive days.  But I’m not in a black and white mood. Oh yeah, and I’m not going to tag anyone…cause…you know…I don’t do tags!  I decided to take a walk around the house and see what I could find ‘close to home.’

A Walk Around My House #1

 

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I’m in the Doghouse

Remember way back when…(two days ago) when I told you about my guest post on It’s a Dog’s Life?

Remember when I told you my guest post was entitled Pigeon Preventers and Hangry Cats?

Remember when I didn’t tell you that Eric’s guest post series is titled Hair of the Dog, and other stories?  Oh, you don’t remember that?  That’s because I forgot to tell you and now you can’t find my post because I was leaving out that rather important bit of info.

So, let’s make it easy.  Click here and go directly to my post on Eric’s blog.  Pigeon Preventers And The Hangry Cats

Don’t forget to read Eric’s stuff, too.  His dog stories are awesome!

If you want me I’ll just be over here  ———–> in doghouse.

Guest in Jest #48 This is My Truth Now

This comes from Jay at This is My Truth Now

Guest in Jest… what a series, right? Linda and I have been talking about what I could share on her magnificent blog for close to a year. I must have sent over 10 or 12 posts, but she rejected them ALL. Well, that’s not quite true… I intended to send over 10 or 12 posts, but then I got distracted with book launches, the 365 Daily Challenge, and my (ab)normal life… and then well, I kinda didn’t get a post to her. So she MIGHT have rejected them if I ACTUALLY sent anything. Then I saw she was threatening to cancel Guest in Jest because she was running out of participants. Now THAT’S when I got my ass in gear as (1) I adore this series on her blog, (2) Linda is awesome, and (3) I do love a deadline; it motivates me like nothing else. All you have to do is say “There’s no way you can do X by such and such a date,” and I’m like, “What did you say? Are you serious? I can do anything. I’ll do it,” until afterward when I find out what I’ve committed myself to and begin thinking, “What is wrong with me? How do I get out of this? Put a piece of electrical tape over my mouth in the future and shock me with a taser so I learn for once.”
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Phew… I got the intro to my Guest in Jest post out of the way. It’s always hard for a writer to figure out how to open with the perfect first lines. I spent days aching over them for both of my books, Father Figure and Watching Glass Shatter… in the end, I kept both of the original ideas (some small tweaks) but I wasted so much time trying to come up with them rather than let the words flow for the story and go back to fix the first line. When Linda and I talked about topics, she basically forced me to choose one of my former 365 posts, QuestMaxGoaly (Day 88) because she knew it would make things difficult for me. This woman likes to torture me, I tell ya. The whole point of that day’s post was:  to question how to achieve the maximum goals throughout your life, searching for a fair balance across all the things which bring you happiness and showcase the best you possible
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I rarely make up words, but I did that day because I wasn’t awake or brilliant enough to come up a real one… and yet, the whole point of the 365 Daily Challenge was exactly what Day 88 was all about… how to be happy and get a lot done at the same time. So… Day 88 was June 8, 2017. By the time Linda actually posts this, it will probably be 1 year since that was published. What’s changed since then? Everything and nothing.
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To start with, Linda and I both lost a dog (Levi and Ryder) who meant the absolute world to us. Though it was probably one of the worst times in either of our lives, we were there for each other and that made it feel just a little bit easier to move on. Greta’s come into Linda’s life in the last month, and she’s quite a sweetheart. I suppose I should let everyone know that I’ve learned I’m ready to bring another dog into my life and will be adopting one in June when I return from vacation. I can’t wait to share pictures with everyone… maybe even ship the little squirt off to Maine so Greta and Walter can teach him or her to behave properly. Cuz I can see from all the pics and posts, Linda’s got two perfectly angelic pups. Right?
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Okay, let me get back to this QuestMaxGoaly post from last year… By the way, have you ever regretted a choice you made in the past? Some people regret who they married. Others wish they could have chosen a different career. Right now, I’m regretting a few things… agreeing to let Linda choose the topic for my Guest in Jest. Making up words like QuestMaxGoaly. And not keeping enough notes to properly compare the differences over the last year. Anyone got a time machine?
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So, in that post, I talked about how I wanted to do things a little differently. For instance, stop worrying about how clean the apartment was. At the end of my life, do I really want to say “Hey, you there who tells me if I was a good human or not, isn’t it AMAZING how well I dusted my bookshelves? Come on, I dare you to tell me my toilet wasn’t the most scrubbed piece of porcelain out there?” I can successfully say I have stopped the crazy cleaning… almost to the point that a friend came over one night and pointed out it was the first time he’d ever seen something out of place in my apartment. {In case you’re wondering what that was, I’d left a few magazines on the coffee table and I had 2 coffee cups sitting in the sink still — Isn’t it scary cool how much I learned in the last year?}
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I’m still rambling… in that post last year, I ended with this question:  “So… the real question back out to you: Do you ever take time to think about how to order the things in your life and the time in your day to ensure you are accomplishing everything you want to, e.g. weeding out the things that just waste your time, choosing you over what everyone expects you to do, changing the stuff that you realize doesn’t belong being there?”
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My response one year later:
  • Yes. I’m so much better at it than I was last year, but there’s still work to do. The difference now… is that I don’t see the path as a straight line where you start at Mark X and end at Mark Y. The journey is a circle now… sometimes you take an exit ramp and get off for a while, but you keep going around and around spreading out further and further so you are happier and more focused. Other times, you’re driving that damned clover leaf on and off the same circle to the point you get dizzy and want to vomit. Basically, I’m trying to say now there’s grey in my life, not just black and white. And I’m okay with those times. Just not cleaning up afterward.
This <<Insert appropriate expletive >> just got too real so let me get back to the JEST part. My new advice to everyone: “It’s life, dude or dudette. Stop worrying. Be happy. Do good things. Be kind to others. Fall on your ass a few times cause you’re human and you are here to learn and have fun, too.” My advice to myself: “Hey, Jay, when you go get your haircut tomorrow, maybe it’s time to shave it all off or color it something different. Then send a picture of the new hairdo to Linda so she can torture you even more.”
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That said, before I run over my time here on mainepaperpusher’s secret quicksand trap of a blog (all meant in a good way because every day we stop by to read something, we get stuck forever because it’s so much fun!), I want to thank my host for being FANTASTIC and FUNNY and FUNKY and FABULOUS and every other F word out there. {Don’t take that in the wrong way… I’m a nice guy most days}. Linda’s emails or comments show up always at the right time to make my day. Even though she likes torturing me, I tend to only have people in my life who do that… so she fits in perfectly. HUGS!

Guest in Jest and Weekly Request #48

Please join us tomorrow…

This week’s  “Guest in Jest” guest is

This is My Truth Now

 

Now it is time for my shameless begging.  I’ll add a little pleading if it will help.  I will add larger fonts to grab attention.  REALLY large fonts…to the point of obnoxiousness!  Perhaps a bit of color will make a difference.

Join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

Give us some info about your blog.  Make sure to add a link to it.

Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.

Pictures optional, but encouraged.

The post can be one that has been posted before.

Multiple submissions are encouraged!

The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

 

In The Offing

I am very excited to announce that I have been asked to be a guest on one of my very favorite blogs…  It’s a Dog’s Life

 

The story I’ve submitted is called:

Pigeon Preventers And The Hangry Cats

 

Please click on the blog link above to read that post and to check out Eric’s stories about the adventures (and misadventures) of his dogs Comet and Dexter.  It’s a lot of fun, I promise!

AND, as an added bonus, Eric is looking to do a series of guest posts so get your typing fingers a tappin’.  Take a look below for his guest post rules.

I told him to try the shameless begging thing I employ on a regular basis, but he’s not nearly as pitiful as I can be.  So here I am, being a surrogate shameless beggar.  Please read his blog and you just might want to do a post for him.  It might help me keep my begging ways in check.  It’s getting ridiculous at this point!

 

Guest Bloggers Wanted!

I am asking for submissions to be a guest on my blog!

  • dog stories
  • funny stories
  • unbelievable images
  • funny videos
  • observations as a dog-person

Add a few details about you,  how you got started and what your blog is about.

Disclaimer: I will post it exactly as written

I only ask:

  1.  no politics, even if your local or federal representative is a mangy cur – we don’t disparage our canine friends that way!
  2.  as I am a “recovering Sailor”, please,  no cussing.
  3.  nothing your mama would scold you for saying.

Send me a link to your post at notdonner9@gmail.com

I will publish future Guest Posts on Thursdays.

Maladjusted Mondays, Week 12

NOT Linda.

Greetings! I’m Janice Johnson. Thanks for joining the fun here on Maladjusted Mondays.  Linda heroically offered to host this collection of scathing exposés in which I rat out my uncooperative appliances. I originally published these posts on my blog, Joywriting: Everybody Has a Story, where I do occasionally write about something besides my appliances. You can visit me there any time by clicking here.

And now for the twelfth post in the series, which first appeared on my blog May 24, 2017.

Navigate THIS!! (It’s a car thing)

About that trip to Missouri last week

My brother, David, and I drove to the town of Nevada from different directions. Next day, we agreed to each find our way north to Warsaw and meet at the Common Ground Cafe for lunch.

His rental car had an add-on navigation system, and my Infiniti of course has the latest version of GypsE ROSE. What could go wrong?

My route meandered up state highways alongside the Truman Reservoir before veering off onto a local road that approached town from the “back” side. At length I came to Highway 7, where I expected to turn right. But GypsE ROSE said to cross it.

The map showed me turning right just past 7, and crossing a bridge into town. Fine.

I turned off where indicated. Moments later, there was the bridge.

A footbridge. You know… for pedestrians.

“Not driving over that.” I pulled into a convenient parking lot to reconnoiter.

The cafe was only a half-mile away. Why not walk?

So I took off afoot. A man crossing the other way stopped to chat. I mentioned the cafe. He told me I’d see a convenience store and said, “That’s Main Street, just keep going.”

Soon I saw the store. Something stood between me and it: Highway 7 and some fast-moving traffic.”Not walking across that.” Back over the bridge and into the car. As soon as I turned to retrace my route, the map guidance changed to show me taking Highway 7 into town and turning onto Main.

“Why didn’t you say so in the first place?” I demanded.

I figured David would be tired of waiting for me by now, but as I parked I got a text from him. “Just got to the cafe.”

When we were seated, he told me his own nav system tale. . .

Shortly before he was to turn from a narrow farm road onto a highway, he accidentally pushed the steering wheel “phone” button. A feminine voice said, “Phone. Do you wish to make a call? After the tone, say ‘select a phone,’ ‘add a phone,’ or ‘no.'”

His nav chose that moment to say, “In zero point five miles, turn right onto Highway 83.”

Ms. Phone: “I didn’t understand that. Do you wish to make a call? After the tone, say ‘select a phone,’ ‘add a phone,’ or ‘no.'”

David was about to yell “NO,” but his nav butted in. “In zero point three miles, turn right onto Highway 83.”

Ms. Phone: “I didn’t understand that. Do you wish…”

David couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

Desperately trying to kill the phone and end this mechanical stalemate, he missed his turn and drove two miles before finding a place to turn around.

By the time he got to Warsaw, he figured I’d be tired of waiting for him.

I thought of my ongoing appliance battles. “There’s such a thing,” I said, “as too much technology.”

Thanks for reading!
Jan

It’s Greta’s Birthday!

 

It just occurred to me that it’s Greta’s birthday!

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Surprisingly, Greta has survived long enough to celebrate her first birthday.  We’ve had two days without murderous conflict.  That was her birthday present to me!  Of course, a little Trazadone helps a little, too.  Nothing like doggie chill pills. 😉