Guest in Jest #95 LISMORE PAPER

This week’s Guest in Jest is LISMORE PAPER

 

You know those people who apologize to their dog for leaving the house, yep that’s me. When I leave for work I explain that momma has to go make biscuit money. My husband just mentioned he is a little jealous of the dog.

I have always said if humans could love like a dog, this world would be a much better place. Scientists have said the feeling of love we get in the early stages of a relationship is what a dog feels when we arrive home after a long day. The happiness they express as their tail knocks everything over in sight and their little backend shakes uncontrollably…now that is love. I don’t see any other hiney shaking for me…just sayin.

I have always been a dog person. I love the devotion, love, and friendship that is built between an owner and dog…really though I think the dogs own us. Have you ever seen, The Secret Life of Pets? I really think this happens. If you are a pet owner, its a must watch. I always try to imagine what goes on while we are away. I think Esme and Walter “Dog Talk” while Linda and myself are away. You can see by the picture, I captured some shenanigans going on.

My sweet Esme is a black german shepherd. She has such a beautiful soul. Her tender heart and fierce love truly is the greatest gift I could ever receive. They always say you don’t get the dog you want, you are gifted the dog you need. We were gifted with her sister, Ester, for five years before she crossed the rainbow bridge. They truly were sisters, fighting and grumbling one moment and protecting each other the next.

With that said, I love reading quotes about dogs. Here are a few of my favorites:

“You can always find hope in a dogs eyes.”

“Home is where someone runs to greet me.”

“Everyone thinks they have the best dog, but none of them are wrong.”

“Live.Love.Bark”

“Love. Wet Noses. Sloppy Wet Kisses. Wagging Tails. Full Heart.

My wish for you is to know the love of a dog. If you have the opportunity adopt a dog, you will not only change their life, it will change yours!

 

Have a joke or humorous post?

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

 

1. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
2. The post can be one that has been posted before, elsewhere. 3.
3. Multiple submissions are encouraged!
4. The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

 C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

 

 

Guest in Jest and Weekly Request #95

This week’s  “Guest in Jest” guest is  LISMORE PAPER

 

Have a joke or humorous post?

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

 

1. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
2. The post can be one that has been posted before, elsewhere. 3.
3. Multiple submissions are encouraged!
4. The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

 C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

Guest in Jest #94 Sham

This week’s  “Guest in Jest” guest is  Mohamad al Karbi’s little daughter Sham.  You can see his blog here

 

Here’s Sham’s joke:

A farmer invited his friend to visit his farm. There were sheep at the farm; half of them are white and the rest are black. When the friend saw the sheep, he asked:

– Where do these sheep sleep?

– Are you asking about the white sheep or the black ones?

– The white

– They sleep at the barn of the farm.

– And the black?

– They sleep at the same barn too.

– What do you feed these sheep?

– Which ones do you mean, the white or the black?

– The white ones

– I feed them so and so

– And the black ones?

– I feed them the same.

– Which doctor is checking on the sheep?

– Which ones are you referring to, the white or the black sheep?

– The white ones.

– Dr. John Due

– And the black?

– The same doctor is checking on them too.

– Why are you keep saying white and black then?

– Because the white sheep are mine.

– And the black?

– They are mine too.

Have a joke or humorous post?

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

 

1. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
2. The post can be one that has been posted before, elsewhere. 3.
3. Multiple submissions are encouraged!
4. The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

 C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

Guest in Jest #93 Afterwards

This week’s  “Guest in Jest” guest is  Afterwards

 

Families

We all have them.  Mostly.  I mean there are those that don’t see them, or don’t particularly care for them.  There are those that have disowned them and live a blissful existence where they are never obliged to try and see them once a year so as to not feel like a complete bastard –  even though a reciprocal visit is as unlikely as is a simple thanks for the present you sent their kids.

Heavens I am sure there are people out there who don’t have to like someone simply because they fell out of their vagina.

Okay so thinking about it I will admit that there are those who have, by fate or choice, simply ended up without any.   But we’ve all had them at some point then.  Let’s settle on that shall we.

Anyway my point was that I wanted to share a tale or two from mine this week.

I have two boys and like to think I’ve done my best and when last week the youngest looked most upset when watching a TV show about cancer patients and how 2 in 4 people will get the disease I thought “yeah, empathy, good qualities.”  Mrs’ Afterwards eyes welled up as we were encouraged to dial in and pledge just £2 to cancer research and she looked over to Aterwards Junior and assured him that it was okay, it was just part of life, but before she was able to assure him further he explained that “fingers crossed it’s you and dad that get it” and not him and his brother..

I see a career in politics or the church for him surely.

There was also an incident at the end of a particularly tricky day with my eldest who, despite being a lovely gentle boy, is prone to outbursts of profanity when I am perhaps a little less understanding of his hormonal situation as I might be.  He is 14 after all.  Anyway, the boys were tucked in bed and I came down from checking on them and Mrs Afterwards insisted that wasn’t it good that he hadn’t once insisted I fuck off this evening.  Straight faced.

To make it worse I actually agreed thinking yeah, I am fucking super dad!

The week though was crowned by a moment of such glorious madness that I believe I will be telling the tale for many a year.

A particular family member came out you see.  After more than four and a half decades a certain someone decided that in fact he was gay and had been fighting it for many years and was ready to admit to it and see where that lead.

More wonderful than this act of self acceptance though was his mother’s response.

She insisted that if that was his choice then he better not use her tooth brush ever again and there was absolutely  no way she would ever again eat any of his leftovers.

I mean what the fuck.

Dissect that as you will.

I mean does she think she will catch something from him using her toothbrush?  To be fair I don’t want to share one with anyone regardless of who they choose to place themselves inside.  Does she think she will catch syphilis if she eats his leftover sausage roll?

Does she think you can catch gay?

She is 75 so maybe she is worried she will eat half of his cheese and pickle sandwich and wake up desperate for a shaven headed tattooed lass to eat her out and then insist she fist her and there’s no way she can, not with her arthritic wrists?!?!

Oh god maybe Freddie Mercury got aids after sharing a family size bag of crisps with some bloke in a night club toilet?

People eh.

Have a joke or humorous post?

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

 

1. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
2. The post can be one that has been posted before, elsewhere. 3.
3. Multiple submissions are encouraged!
4. The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

 C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

Guest in Jest and Weekly Request #93

Join us tomorrow!

 

This week’s  “Guest in Jest” guest is  Afterwards

 

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

1. Write up something amusing. 
2. The post can be one that has been posted before, elsewhere
3. Multiple submissions are encouraged!

 

 The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

Guest in Jest #92 Silently Smouldering Words

This week’s  “Guest in Jest” guest is  Silently Smouldering Words

No secret around here that I love Linda very smooshily.
So of COURSE I am submitting one of my favourite jokes.
Now, while I am more of a words girl, than a numbers girl, this joke makes me giggle.

 

What did the 0 say to the 8?

“Hmmm…wearing a belt today, are we?!”

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

 

1. Write up something amusing. 
2. The post can be one that has been posted before, elsewhere
3. Multiple submissions are encouraged!

 

 The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

Guest in Jest and Weekly Request #92

This week’s  “Guest in Jest” guest is

 

 Silently Smoulering Words

 

 

Have a joke or humorous post?

 

Please join us in our Guest of Jest series

 

Please submit your guest posts to mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com and they will be published in order of submission every Friday here at Everyone Else Has the Best Titles

 

Here are the rules:

 

1. Write up something amusing.  It doesn’t have to be “laugh out loud” funny, but a bit of humor would be great.
2. The post can be one that has been posted before, elsewhere. 3.
3. Multiple submissions are encouraged!
4. The piece can be anything that is humorous.  A story, a recollection, even something as simple as a joke.

 

 C’mon, you know you want to!  Why should we have all the fun?

 

 

The featured image was created by Silas at  My weird, crazy and mundane life Journal 

The Guest in Jester Thanks You!

I just wanted to thank everyone who sent in Guest in Jest submissions.  It is GREATLY appreciated.

For those of you who want to be as cool as previous posters, just shoot me an email at mainepaperpusher@yahoo.com with something funny.

 

Guest in Jest #91 3C Style

This week’s  “Guest in Jest” guest is  3C Style

 

I confess, sometimes I look at people in the subway and I try to imagine their life. I know I’m weird like that. I also do a funny thing with photos. I make up dialogues with whatever or whoever is in the shot. Usually, the first thing that comes to mind is the funniest scene. Let me show you an example. Here are two pics that I saw a while ago and I immediately linked them together.

Same chit-chat or gossip, different chicks…

 

Hens on the Farm 

I really don’t care what kind of hat she’s wearing. It’s not even Easter! And why can’t she just fit in like the rest of us? Who is she trying to impress? She acts like her eggs are too good for the farmer. Ever since Dominique styled an outfit with her in mind she’s acting as if she is a Super Star! You don’t see the bees acting like that. And you know she actually didn’t grow those fluffy feathers on her head – they are fake. They have to be! Nobody else’s feathers grow like th… Oooh wait, here she comes —hiiiiiiii, Flo! Wow, you look good today!

 

Fashionistas in Copenhagen

You would think that fashionistas always dressed appropriately, right? Well, in real life many are willing to risk frost bite wearing short sleeves and no socks even if it’s 10 degrees. That explains why the weather is one of the main topic of conversation during Fashion week. If you’re more of an introvert and don’t enjoy small talk that much, the street style crowd provides some great eavesdropping… Or you can just imagine what they are talking about, which ever you prefer.

—I’m telling you, if you want to get snapped by Phil Oh you’ll have to show more skin dear —or, have yourself a tattoo. And don’t forget, always hold something in your hand such as a cup of coffee, your iPhone… A cool bag alone won’t get you that shot.

—Euh, there’s a car that wants us to get out of the way. He honked at us —totally not fashionable…

Filth and Depravity

Now that’s a post title I bet you never thought you’d see here!

Our friend Michael at Afterwards has written a book and it is now being offered on Amazon.  You can pre-order the E-book by following my directions below.  It will be available on April 12th.  Such a LONG time to wait for those of us who are perverted enough to yearn for such things.

Fair warning…this is not a book for the faint of heart.  Prudes need not peruse.  It’s down and dirty and drop-dead funny.  Reading his blog, I vacillate between saying Ewwww to chuckling and then go on to laughing uproariously.  I often read his limericks to Bill and he always comments that they are priceless and that Michael is so clever.  And clever he is.

Check out his blog and if you find yourself laughing you should:

1. Admit to yourself that you appreciate indecency and worse.

2. You should buy the book.

Yes, do #1 and #2.  Do it now.  I’ll wait.  And once you’ve finished it, stop laughing long enough to leave a review…if you dare!

See the book cover below?  Click on the little “Buy on Amazon” link on the bottom left corner to see the description.  If you click on the cover itself, it will tell you that the Kindle edition isn’t available, yet.  Yes, I’m pouting.  April 12th seems so far away, but really, it’s only a week.

 

P.S.  Makes a brilliant Mother’s Day gift.  😛