Last fall, we attended our niece’s wedding. Amy is a free spirit and doesn’t always go along the lines of staunch tradition. It’s just one of the many things I love about her. I should have known that the wedding would be fun after getting their ‘save the date’ card.
The wedding was being held at a lovely ski resort and we were really looking forward to a weekend getaway and hanging out with the family. Our family is a lot of fun and it was shaping up to be a great time.
When we arrived and started to get ready, it was obvious that the toilet was being a little “sluggish” and the water dropped ever so slowly upon flushing. Of course, I had to see how bad it was. I’m not sure what I thought would happen. It’s not as if I have magical powers in such matters. I am not a toilet whisperer. Still, I hit the handle and things went from bad to worse…all over the floor kinda worse. This was surprising because it was a pretty classy hotel. Ah well, luckily it was relatively clean toilet water if you know what I mean. Sigh…
The housekeeping gal was just as nice as could be. In short order, it was all cleaned up and we could get on with getting ready. I should say that Bill could get on with getting ready because I had the good sense to arrive in the clothes I was going to wear to the ceremony. So I tapped my toe as I watched the clock. Bill was making ponderously slow progress. Those of you who know Bill well will not be surprised at this.
It was ten minutes before the ceremony and he was almost ready, but not ready ‘enough’ for me. So when I knew we were cutting it way too close, I just looked at him and said: “you’re on your own buddy!” This might seem cruel but I was not going to miss the wedding of two of my very favorite people.
I knew that the site of the ceremony wasn’t too far from our room. Getting there looked like a piece of cake on the little hotel map. Let me tell you, hotel maps can’t be trusted. That’s not really fair because the ceremony was being held exactly where I expected it to be in relation to the hotel, and exactly as it looked on that little map. In spite of the fact that the map appeared correct, I was not expecting to exit the building onto a rickety deck-like structure. There I came upon a couple of workers having a smoke safely out of the view of guests. Obviously, I had taken the service entrance and I had ‘caught’ them.
My guess is that their worry about being found evaporated when they saw me jump over the drainage ditch as I determinedly made my way to my seat. Let me tell you, I am a very large woman. I am not a drainage ditch jumping kinda gal. But at this point, I only had five minutes till show time and I wasn’t about to go back inside and take a more dignified route. I was on a mission! Besides, dignity has never been my strong suit.
I arrived at the site of the ceremony just in time. Thank goodness Bill’s cousin and his wife saved us seats. I guess I didn’t have to worry too much because Amy hadn’t walked down the aisle yet. I chatted a bit and still no Bill. He was going to be in big trouble if he missed this, or walked in late, making a spectacle of himself. The clock was ticking!
Still no Bill. I was sure that none of the family was ever going to let him forget it if he missed Amy’s wedding. I knew beyond a doubt that they would never forgive him for tardiness related to toilet issues. Family lore is full of Bill’s lack of punctuality, and much of that lore is bathroom-related. We used to joke that it took him 3 hours to take a shower. As the years went by, the joke morphed into a more general thing. If he even looked at a bathroom, the family would groan in unison. If that toilet in the room kept Bill from arriving at the wedding on time, he would never hear the end of it.
As the wedding guests fidgeted a bit, and the groom stood there looking more and more nervous, there was still no sign of the bride…or Bill! I vacillated between feeling sorry for everyone waiting and being thankful that Bill might just make it because the wedding party was late. It seemed to take forever, but Bill arrived. Just seconds later, Amy came down the grassy path to the birch tree arch. What a stroke of luck that Bill arrived just seconds before Amy came into view!
The ceremony was short but filled with all of the things one could wish for at a wedding. There was so much love and it heartwarming. There was also a lot of humor. Our family has no shortage of that.
The fellow officiating was Sloan’s dad. Now, Paul is neither a preacher or a justice of the peace, but he did a great job. Amy and Sloan are not religious, but Paul found it necessary to ad lib a bit as he went along. I think he mentioned the God Belichick and I’m almost positive he made a correlation between Tom Brady and Jesus. I’m also sure he did this to amuse his son who happens to be a rabid New England Patriots fan. I’m surprised the guests didn’t give a rousing Patriots cheer. I’m also surprised some didn’t walk out due to the blasphemy of it all, but we weren’t that kind of crowd.
It was even more hilarious when he ended the ceremony with along the lines of: “with the power invested in me by a sketchy outfit online for $39, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” And the fun continued…
As you can tell, it really was unconventional and one of the most fun weddings I’ve ever attended. After the ceremony, all in good spirits, we headed toward the reception venue. Once there, we learned the reason for Amy’s delay in walking down the aisle.
Remember when I left Bill behind because he was late in getting ready? Apparently, as he rushed toward the site of the wedding, he realized he really needed to ‘go’ and stopped at the restroom right near the spot where everyone was gathering to walk down the aisle. Once the wedding party was ready, Amy’s Dad told them they had to wait. He said: “He’s my brother, we can’t do this until he’s in his seat.” So the wedding was held up as they waited for Bill to exit the bathroom.
Everyone thought it was hilarious that the family joke had played out in such a big way. Bill wanted to sink into the floor but his embarrassment was short-lived. Within minutes, all eyes were on the mother of the bride as she started dancing on the table.