In Thanksgivings past I have thoroughly enjoyed whatever food was put before me…often with seconds for the particularly choice bits. Ok, they are ALL particularly choice bits, and that’s the problem. Without thinking, I made a very ill-timed decision and I am now facing the consequences. I joined a ‘lose weight and get healthy’ program and I set my goal to lose 25 pounds in 16 weeks. The catch is that my 16 weeks are up on Sunday and I haven’t quite met my goal, yet. My freaking goal is due three days after Thanksgiving!!! You will just have to imagine me doing facepalms repeatedly…and with great force.
This year I vowed I would be more restrained. No seconds! No seconds, and no wine. I’m going to eat and drink responsibly. Yup, it’s going to be a sober, seconds-less Thanksgiving. It sure is! But I still have to deal with pies. So many pies…
We are a pie-loving family. Every year at least three people show up with multiple pies. It’s always a pie-palooza. Now it’s one thing if a couple of people bring a pie, but when there are a half dozen pies on the counter, there’s a problem. Then the whole ‘eating responsibly’ idea becomes less of a reality and more of a quickly-forgotten oath. Plus, you can’t have one and not another, otherwise feelings get hurt. That would make for a very unthankful Thanksgiving, and we can’t have that.
How do you say no when a family member is handing you a piece of pie they lovingly created for you? There they are, just waiting for that “mmmmm” sound made only after one has had an extraordinary piece of pie. If they don’t get that sound, their entire pie-making endeavor was for naught, and Thanksgiving has been utterly ruined. We can’t have that, but what to do?
I’ve been pondering this problem and this past week I have been working on plausible excuses for not eating six pieces of pie after Thanksgiving dinner. I will probably have to use the excuse I come up with a number of times so it has to be universally appropriate and consistent…and it has to be true. I won’t lie. These rules have proven to make this pie-avoiding goal difficult. The following are works in progress:
“Oooh, that pie looks wonderful but don’t get too close! I have a tickle in my throat (true) and I don’t want you to catch my cold!”
“I’ve been trying to cut back on sweets (true), but it looks so good…let me have just a sliver” This might work but there is an inherent problem here. It’s almost impossible for me to have “just a sliver” and not want to consume more. I am a woman who has ‘slivered’ a cheesecake to death. There will be no successful slivering of six pies, so this one is out.
“Oh my goodness! So and so was just asking who made this gorgeous pie!” This always leads to the pie-maker heading in the direction of the potential pie-appreciator and thus getting me off the hook. The only snag here is that I can only use this when someone actually does ask who made the pie, otherwise it’s a lie. Lucky for me, everyone in the family is always asking who made what pie, so this one is a contender. Did I mention that we are a pie-loving family?
I could get up and move around with a drink in my hand. It’s hard to eat pie while standing and drinking. But to make this plausible, it would entail talking with someone who is also standing. The real concern here is that the odds are high that the only people standing would be pie-makers…who want me to eat their pie. That would defeat the purpose. I should probably rule this one out.
I could tell them that I’m sharing with Bill, and because he doesn’t indulge in sweets (true!) we’ll only have small pieces. If I had one bite of each, that might work! I would be able to tell everyone exactly what I liked about their pie. Mmmmmm I wouldn’t have the ‘slivering’ problem because there would be another bite coming. And I would come away eating only the equivalent of a single piece of pie because after I eat my one bite of each, I can move away from the table and what’s left on the plate will be Bill’s problem. Even that is more pie than I probably should eat, but we all have to make sacrifices for those we love. Yummy, yummy sacrifices. This idea might be the winner! Maybe I could make it a new tradition. After all, Christmas is right around the corner.
Oh, and if you don’t live in America, just disregard this whole thing. You can be thankful that you aren’t in the middle of our current political maelstrom. Although, if you are from the UK, your situation isn’t too rosy either. Even though you aren’t celebrating Thanksgiving, you should have a piece of pie. It’ll make you feel better. I’m more than willing to share.