Thanks, Walter…

A couple of weeks ago it occurred to me that our entertainment set-up needed some upgrading.   I was tired of having a dumb TV.  Smart TVs are all the rage.  The more Ks you have, the better.  It was time to take the plunge and replace our 32″ 1080p with something 4K.  Something wicked smart that would stream movies and do my dishes.

Since I wanted needed a new Roku, it made sense to get a Roku TV.  Perfect.  I ordered a humongous 43″er.  Go ahead and laugh.  It was replacing a 32″ model and 43″ seems pretty darned enormous!  I then figured it would be nice to have a sound bar to go with it.  I found this really cool Polk sound bar that truly sounds amazing.  It even had a remote where you can not only change the bass but also enhance voice mode and night mode and all  sorts of other modes.  Notice I said it HAD a remote.

You guessed it.  I bought the bar, and by the very next morning, Walter had eaten the remote.  He hadn’t digested it, but it was in smithereens and I could tell he only stopped chewing once he bit into a battery.  That must have tasted yummy, but he deserved it!  Eating that remote was not cool.  And that’s not all…

Walter also chewed up the remote from the old TV.  Great…that meant no mode-changing on the sound bar, and the old TV couldn’t be used because I couldn’t change the input on it.  Know why?  Because when we got the new TV, I changed all of the satellite remotes to the new TV code.  So now we have a poor old remote-less TV.  Thanks, Walter.

I shamed Walter for an entire day by just showing him those old lifeless remotes.  He knew he was in trouble and he hid in an unheated back room.  Every time he tried to come back in the kitchen, I would just touch the shell of the old remote and he’s slink off again.  At least he knew what he had done was bad and he would never do it again.  He had been punished good and proper.  It’s amazing how much a withering look will affect that dog.  That’s not to say that I didn’t yell.  I yelled plenty.

You might think the story ends here, but no.  I was able to find a new TV remote for less than ten bucks…yay!  It should be here any day now.  I was also able to find a new sound bar remote for 40 bucks.  I’ll still say “yay” but with a little less enthusiasm.  Still, for fifty dollars total, all would be right with the world.  Oh but it’s never that easy.  Not with Walter around.

The new sound bar remote arrived yesterday.  It was pristine and worked perfectly.  Notice I said it WAS pristine.  I came home this afternoon after a short jaunt into town and what should I find?  The $40 sound bar replacement remote chewed to pieces.  I won’t repeat what I said.  Actually, I will repeat it.  What I was thinking was very bad, but what I said was simple.  I looked at Walter and just said “OUT!!”  I pointed my finger toward the door and looked at him sternly.  Head down and tail between his legs, he looked over his shoulder abjectly as he slinked out of the room.

I just finished ordering a replacement for the replacement sound bar remote.  Another $40.  Nothing is safe around here.  Apparently, that goes double for remotes.  Thanks, Walter…