It’s been a while since I’ve mentioned any of Walter’s indiscretions. He’s been the subject of numerous posts here. If you decide to pass this one by, I promise I won’t think less of you. You see, I’m insufferable when it comes to Walter because I talk about him a lot and I’m like a grandmother proudly showing off photos of her grandkids in a grocery aisle, keeping all of the other shoppers from reaching the frozen asparagus that is always on the top shelf. I’m sort of like that, only I’m not keeping others from frozen asparagus and I am not proud of him. When it comes to Walter, one can only ask: “What has he done now!” or “Can you believe he survived this?” or “How could my cute puppy turn into Destructo-Dog?”
Today it wasn’t bad. When I woke up this morning, I found trash scattered around the kitchen. This is rather common behavior for a dog if given the opportunity. But it brought to mind all of the really weird stuff he’s chewed and/or consumed. Mostly the latter. I know I’ve mentioned some of these before, but it’s rather impressive seeing them in a very long list. As long as it is, this list is abbreviated because I’ve effectively blocked out many of his more heinous crimes.
Anyhow, here it goes:
Toilet Paper, Taking toilet paper off the roll and threading it through every room of the house without breaking it takes true skill. Walter is a toilet paper genius.
Toilet Bowl Cleaner. I have no idea why.
Leveling feet for the washing machine. You know the things that are like big bolts that can be screwed in to make the washer level. Yes, he ate those.
Orchids x 10? I’ve already lost count. Walter is a very experienced orchid-eater.
Houseplants Many, Many more in addition to the orchids. Maybe he thinks he needs more vegetation in his diet. Speaking of which…
Virginia Creeper. This vine covers his kennel fence completely. Or at least it did until he managed to tear a bunch of it down and consume it. Grapes are poison for dogs. Since Virginia Creeper is a cousin of the grape, it was very bad. I actually thought I might lose him. But I should have known that he would pull through. I swear he’s indestructible.
Lightbulb packaging. Disconcertingly, the bulbs were never found.
My Journal…there are no words. Well, there were words in the journal before he decimated it, but there are no words to express how I felt about this one. I didn’t take it well.
Knives. Now before you get all worried, he did not cut him himself, he merely chewed the handles off. He has now de-handled a set of four and he’s eying my other set.
Scouring pads. He particularly liked to steal and chew the plastic one I use to clean his water bowl…I must admit it’s in the shape of a dog bone, so I “might” give him a pass on this one.
Pens and Pencils. Oh, so many pens, pencils; and other pen and pencil-shaped things that he has deinked! They are truly innumerable. He chewed so many markers till the ink bled that my old sofa was psychedelic!
Crayons. Yes, he ate crayons. Bill said he was pooping rainbows for a couple of days. Perhaps he was trying to become a unicorn.
My previous sofa. Thank goodness it was old and had already been through three puppies. However, before Walter, it was pretty much intact. Most puppies chew a small bit of the cushion. Not Walter. He would chew a BIG hole in the fabric and then proceed to rip the stuffing out! Great Danes apparently suffer from EBS more than most other breeds. Exploding Bed Syndrome is a real thing and I suddenly feel better knowing that I’m not the own Dane owner who suffers this. Given enough time, Walter would have turned the sofa into this…
CD cases. They have always been a favorite. Poor Cake took the hardest hit. I suppose if you name a band Cake, you really should expect a dog to give your disc a chomp or two.
Cacti. More than I care to count. How he has avoided looking like he tangled with a porcupine INSIDE his mouth, I’ll never know. He feels no pain.
Handsaw. Recently he chewed the handle of a brand new saw, and then he chewed the cardboard safety guard exposing the very sharp teeth of the saw. You would think that chewing a saw blade would hurt, but Walter truly must be oblivious to pain because he did it TWICE!
Bananas. I only mention this one because he adores bananas, and he will go to all lengths to get them. He eats them whole, skin and all. He loves them so much that he has snagged them from a shelf seven feet off the ground. Nothing is safe.
Cat food. Typical, right? Not this time. He took unopened cans and chewed them until the cat food oozed out. Then he chewed the cans into smaller pieces that were strewn throughout the house. I am usually barefoot and I was not happy when I stepped on the tin shards. And I really wasn’t amused when my rug smelled like ‘Salmon Entree’ even after three scrubbings.
Aquarium filter cartridge. Now you might think that I left it out and he just grabbed it for a little chew. Oh no, he actually opened the filter and snagged the filter cartridge from the running filter!! Wet carbon everywhere! I don’t know how he did it or why. Walter is inscrutable.
Very dark chocolate. This is another big no-no for dogs so I “encouraged” him to vomit. Everything came up foamy…and blue! Come to find out, he had grabbed a…wait for it…
Steel wool SOS pad! The mind boggles.