Guest in Jest #79 3C Style

THIS WEEK’S  “GUEST IN JEST” GUEST IS:  3C Style

 

Funny alarming story

I’m burning but it’s not from desire…

I’m honestly the kind of person who might break an arm getting out of the shower in the morning. Somehow I thought it was a good idea to leave heated cooking appliances unattended while I went to take a bath. What can I say? I was feeling confident because I had just done the macarena the other day.

Well, it wasn’t two minutes until I was jolted back into my clumsy reality by the shrill ringing of my home alarm system. Dang it! I had left the food in the oven too long, and it had started to smoke, triggering the alarm. I jumped out of the bath, somehow survived, and ran to the alarm box to turn it off.

I enter the code for the alarm and nothing happens. Great! Okay, okay, okay. I try three other possibilities. Error, error, error. Are you kidding me? With the alarm ringing in my ears and the police probably on the way, I rushed to the phone to see if I could salvage the situation.

“If I can just get the alarm representative on the phone,” I thought, “we can all work this out.”

Somehow, I actually fingered in the correct number for the alarm company headquarters (how is it that I remember this number and not the number to the actual alarm?), and I start talking to a chipper little thing who starts asking me all kinds of questions.

“Why are you asking me all these questions for? I’m the owner of the damn house.”

“Well, I don’t really know that, now do I?” Came the professional but curt reply. “This is for your own safety. Ma’am, these are questions that you set up!”

Well, technically, the questions are not mine. My hubby set up everything but OK she’s got a good point I thought, and since I want her to turn off the alarm as soon as possible, I answered all the questions. It felt like an exam. Thankfully, I did right this time. I got a 100%. Yay!

“Please, could you shut down the alarm now? The noise is driving me crazy and it’s disturbing my neighbors as well.”

“No, I cannot do that from the distance” Said the lady on the phone. Since you didn’t enter the right code, you will have to open the control box with a screwdriver.” “Listen, I am about to take the hammer and smash the damn control box!”

“I’m sorry Ma’am, you have to open the control box yourself.”

“Seriously? With all your fancy technology you’re telling me there is absolutely nothing you can do!” I scream to her. For my defense, may I remind you that the noise from the alarm system is extremely loud. So, while I’m trying to figure out what to do with the screwdriver, I’m getting mad at my husband who insisted that we get all this technology in our home even if I didn’t think it was necessary.

“There is absolutely no way this control box can be open with a screwdriver” I say to the alarm representative.

“Oh, I see. You must have our #numberONE alarm system then.” In other words, la crème de la crème in term of alarm system! But it still cannot be disabled remotely. “Try pulling hard the plastic tongues” She adds. I do as I am told. Now, on top of the alarm noise there is an annoying voice that repeats constantly: sabotage of the lid, sabotage of the lid…

This whole thing is turning into a nightmare. The police and the firefighters will soon be at my house and I’m practically naked with only a towel wrapped around me. There is smoke in the house. The food that I put in the oven is probably burning as well. My temper is burning. Everything is burning. Need I say more? In desperation, I enter the security code again. Suddenly, all the noise stops immediately. What a relieve! Whether I had entered the wrong code at the very beginning or the system malfunctioned is not the point. What matters is that I talk with my husband. I thanked the employee for her patience and hung up the phone. I knew exactly what I was going to do next.

To make a long story short, let’s just say it involved a lot of burning love to convince my hubby to give up the fancy alarm system in our house and settle for a smoking alarm box that works with batteries. What can I say? I like it the old fashion way. It works perfectly fine for me.