There is a t-shirt out there that says: “OWNING A GREAT DANE MEANS NEVER HAVING TO GO TO THE BATHROOM ALONE.” I can’t even begin to tell you how very true that is. In case you were wondering why Great Danes inspire a t-shirt like this, there is no great mystery. Every breed of dog has a t-shirt with the same wording. Every dog wants to be part of your bathroom routine. For some it’s endearing, for others it’s a total nuisance.
Walter is adamant that he be part of every action I take when I first get up. We have a pattern. He used to get so excited that he would jump up and put his paws on my shoulders and practically bowl me over in his excitement. Now I really appreciate that he loves me that much, but falling over is not exactly what I want to be doing when I really have to pee. There could be accidents…and not just from bodily injury.
I finally came up with a solution that worked pretty well. I trained him to grab a toy as we headed toward the bathroom, and that stopped him from jumping. Though he does rear up like a small stallion sometimes, toy in mouth, he at least has stopped jumping on me. Yay! Problem solved!
He isn’t a total gentleman as we head toward the bathroom, though. He still puts his head down, toy in mouth, and pushes my hind end because I’m obviously not going fast enough. He knows that once I’m seated he will get his ears scratched and he can offer me his paw. See? We have a routine.
Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while might remember that Walter takes his toys very seriously. Sometimes he actually drops one at my feet and that just shows how much he loves me. He rarely drops his toys for any reason, but this is special. It’s ‘our’ bathroom time. It might be a bit unconventional but it’s a routine I can handle.
Let me just preface this part of the story with the understanding that Walter has a lot of toys. A LOT of toys. Two bushel baskets full of toys. There has never been a dearth of dog toys in this house. Each toy has a place in Walter’s regimen. He has his tug toys, his chew toys, and his plushies that he likes to carry around. The latter category is usually what he chooses to accompany us to the bathroom.
His first toy when he was a pup was a plush Gumby. It was a staple for ages until it was mercilessly destroyed by Greta, another Dane we had at the time. See here for a description of that unfortunate event: Gumby is Dead
After Greta killed Gumby, I ordered TWO Gumbys for Walter. Hey, recent events had proven that you probably should have a backup Gumby at all times. Walter was not going to be Gumby-less, that’s for sure. Not if I had anything to say about it! When I ordered the Gumbys, I noticed that Amazon also had a lot of talking cartoon character dog toys so I got a couple of those, too.
Back to the bathroom. You knew we’d get back there again eventually, didn’t you? So there I was, sitting there doing what one does in a bathroom and Walter was sitting in front of me, toy in mouth, asking for attention. We were a little distracted when a bird flew by the window and we both watched for a minute. Wild birds are so cool, and Walter thinks so, too.
I finished my business and and stood up. That’s when I felt a weird sensation and heard this:
Yup, while were both distracted by that bird, Walter had dropped the talking Underdog plushie in my pants! I would have been pissed if I wasn’t laughing so hard!