Summer 1988.

My wife Susan and I had been married just over a year. We lived next door to her parents (I know, believe me, I know…).

I was working shifts and often at home during the day. Susan was working standard days and usually out. Susan’s best friend Lynne would often pop in for a coffee with me when walking her dog. Susan’s mum had (unfounded) suspicions about this…

On this occasion, the sun was shining so we had our coffee sitting on the lawn out back. We could hear Susan’s parents chatting as they worked in their garden on the other side of the tall hedge.

After a little while Lynne’s dog, Jess, got bored of all this sitting around and started to mess around. Resulting in Lynne screaming at the top of her voice:


Next door went totally silent……….


A few weeks later:

Another coffee visit. Susan arrives just after Lynne has gone. Susan’s mum makes a point of telling her this on the doorstep. Susan comes into the house to discover me in the bedroom pulling my trousers on…

There is actually a perfectly innocent explanation for this – can anyone guess what it is in the comments?

70 thoughts on “Guest in Jest #44 The Arty Plantsman

  1. What a funny post! It goes to say that sometimes things are not what they seem. My guess is Lynn got to your place early and you were still wearing your bathrobe. When she left you just went to get dress.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. OK one last try… The trousers were dirty (how they got too dirty remains a mystery, maybe because of the dog who may have tried to slurp some coffee out of your cup) and you had to wash the stain right away. Susan got back just a few minutes after you took them out of the dryer machine. You know I am curious person and this mystery is driving me insane, right? Hope you will end my suffering soon. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, coffee rules. Ok, this has to be the right answer. You were making coffeecake for your coffee date and inadvertently got a bit of the batter on your pants. It wasn’t until the dog tried to lick your crotch that you realized the bit of errant batter ended up there. How batter got on that particular part of your pants is mystery to me, but I’m sure you have a good reason. It was only then that the dog moved on to your friend’s ear and thereby provoking the “get out of my ear” response. Lynne was especially perturbed because the dog’s tongue still had crotch batter on it. There…that is the only possible explanation.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ok. Here is the story.
    I was preparing dinner when Lynne left. The kitchen window was wide open. When walking away from our house Jess spooked a neighbours cat which jumped straight in through the open window and knocked a saucepan of vegetables off the stove and down my legs. As the veg included peas I guess you could say the cat pead on me…
    Anyway. I evicted the cat. Cleaned up the kitchen and was changing my trousers when Susan got home.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. That is outstanding! What did Susan say when she saw you changing? What did her parents say when they saw her next? What did Lynne say when she heard what happened? How did the cat feel about all of this? I think this post needs a sequel.

      Liked by 2 people

          1. You suffer so. I want to know more about what the parents said! I would have wanted to set them. Say something over the hedge that sounds absolutely damning but tell Susan what you are going to do. When Susan gets home just tell her loudly what ‘happened’ and see the reaction. I’m so evil. 😉


            1. I used to do all sorts of stuff like that😄. Living next to the outlaws, sorry, inlaws was a bit stifling for me so I did act up a lot. By this stage I suspect their reaction would just be an eye roll! Susan’s mum was definitely suspicious.
              Coincidentally we went to Lynne’s wedding last month. She and Susan have been best friends since they were toddlers.

              Liked by 1 person

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