Humph! Day #5

When I found out that a number of my posts were buried away in the archives rather than published in order, the first word that came out of my mouth was Humph!!! I decided I would reincarnate some of my old posts in a regular weekly series and I’d call it Humph! Day.  What better day of the week should I have Humph! Day?  Wednesday, of course.

I’m Married to a Fruit Bat

My husband Bill is the most health-conscious person I know.  I swear “organic” is his middle name.  I have never seen anyone scour product labels like he does.  “Too much sodium!” “Too much sugar!”  “Not enough fiber!”  These are just a few of his proclamations as we go through the grocery store.

Bill is healthy in the exercise department, too.  He was a mailman for a third of a century and his route was 10-12 miles a day, depending on snow conditions.  Even in retirement, he walks five miles a day.  He snowshoes, hikes, bikes and does everything right.  Yet, he suffers.

In spite of Bill’s adherence to this very healthy lifestyle, he has a bad back.  It’s probably from all of those years of carrying a mail satchel.  After all, he walked the equivalent of the circumference of the earth 4 times over while carrying those heavy loads.  This thought gives him no solace.  One way or another he was going to beat this back thing!

Bill searched far and wide for back-relieving products.  Being the healthy guy he is, he won’t take prescriptions.  Instead, he takes supplements.  Some of these are pretty interesting. Many of the bottles lining his shelf are food-related.  One of them is a derivative of grapes and red wine.  Others come from cranberries, cherries and other fruits.  In spite of all of this, his back still bothers him.

Then he discovered the inversion table.  You lie down on it and then tip it till your head is lower than your feet.  When you hang that way, it takes the pressure off your spine.  If you are really intrepid, you can become perfectly vertical.  I have become used to seeing him hanging there, totally upside down, and marvel that he is so comfortable doing it.

It’s all becoming clear to me now. Fruit is his favorite snack; even his supplements are fruit-derived!  Quite clearly, he’s batshit crazy.  Not only that, he hangs upside down.  It’s obvious.  I’m married to a fruit bat!

The photo was obtained from Target.com