When I was a kid I used to do the candlepin bowling thing. It was very popular in Maine about two lifetimes ago.  Candlepin balls are 4 1/2 inches in diameter and they have no holes, as nature intended.  The pins are really skinny, hence the name candlepin.

Decades ago I was cajoled by a group of friends into bowling with the big balls.  I wasn’t happy to be there. What did I know about 10-Pin bowling?  I did the only thing, TOTALLY by accident, that would get me out of it for the rest of the night…and perhaps the rest of my life. This wasn’t planned, honestly, it wasn’t.  The fact that no one died is a plus, but I’m not sorry it turned out the way it did.

There I was, being a hater, wearing those stupid shoes, wishing I could be playing with my little candlepin balls. Yes, I know that sounds bad, but it’s going to get worse.  Instead of playing with the balls of my choice, I was cursing at the high probability that I was about to break fingernails.  With a big sigh, I resigned myself to my fate.

I girded my loins (Google translate is going to love that one) and I threw my arm back to release the ball…only I didn’t wait for my arm to go forward. The ball went sailing behind me, right between two members of my group of friends.  Apparently, launching a 10-pound projectile is frowned upon.  Especially if it’s going in the wrong direction and it certainly was doing that!

As I said, this was not premeditated.  I just want to make that clear. I bore no ill will toward my bowling companions, I DID bore ill will toward big-ball bowling.  I’m sorry, there is no way to tell this story without sounding crass.  It doesn’t help that I keep transposing letters and type “blowing” instead of bowling, but I digress…

I was never asked by that group to bowl again for fear that I might kill someone.  That didn’t hurt my feelings one jot.  I didn’t care about being embarrassed because that would have happened many times over if I’d actually played. This just got it over with quickly, and quite literally, with a big bang.

I did redeem myself during the drinking portion of the evening. I proved to be extremely proficient at that.

 

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32 thoughts on “I Didn’t Strike You, You’ve Been Spared

  1. lol… One of the things that I love on your texts is the drama that you can extract from the “pen”… Do you have the expression “Drama Queen”? huaihiaauiiua
    I love it. I myself am a “Drama Queen”. Less on my texts, but girl… You should see me when my little foot finger have an encounter with the chair or the table legs… It’s like if the 4 hoursemen were coming to start the apokalypse… And don’t you wanna see me when I cut myself with the bread knife… Oh the pain! Oh the horror! lol I never had problems with bowling. But my father cracked my uncle’s head doing the same thing you did. The only difference was that he didn’t left the ball loose and made a strike in the end… Thanks for the funny moment 🙂
    Cheers!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Poor uncle and poor you! Hahaha but don’t compete with me. I’m the greatest drama queen of all time. You don’t want to see me with a nose run or a head against wood. I just throw myself on the floor and stay there.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Haha, I have a really hard time picturing you as a Drama Queen, my friend! I am very happy to hear that I am not the only one who has let a ball go prematurely. I feel sorry for your uncle, but your Dad got a strike! I almost got a strike using human pins!

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      1. Huahuahua if someday you talk to my wife, she will have lots of situations where I was full of drama look. In the end, you didn’t hurt anyone and my uncle survived. That’s what matters 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re a menace to humankind, but I agree with your unintended move. That night needed a tweak, for God’s sakes. And I’m glad you weren’t bothered ever since. Unless you have, by another sport or so…. have you?

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  3. Looool autocorrect or mind went to the gutter a few times? 😉 I haven’t bowled in so long. This just shows that you’re superhuman and just had no idea of your true strength!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. That’s crazy! I once did almost exactly the same thing. Except with me, the finger holes were too small (they’d told me I needed a child’s ball) so when I let go toward the pins, the ball stayed stuck to my hand. My arm started swinging down and back toward me so I tried to slide out of its way and it spun me around facing the crowd. That’s when my fingers finally came loose! I’ve never seen people run away from me that fast! I didn’t have a candlepin of an excuse!

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    1. You are too clever Mr. Mel! Why couldn’t I have thought of the pin pun? Nel had a great gutter quote. Ah well, it’s good to inspire greatness in others even if I have none myself. 😉 🐉 ❤️ 🐉 ❤️ 🐉 and 🌵 AND 🐾 🐾 🐾 🐾 🐾 just for good luck!

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