I will preface this post with a disclaimer.  If you are even remotely offended or affected by the mention of revisiting one’s food, do not read on.  You have been warned!

Our Great Dane puppy Walter is known for his love of food.  He will chase Bill all over the house if there is a banana involved.  I’ve even seen him eat pickles.  He will defend his food bowl from Levi, an adult Great Dane,  with an intensity that is unparalleled.  I shouldn’t have been surprised to find that he likes forbidden food.

Recently, I was making soup and he was pestering me.  As a side note, I will wait a few minutes for those who know me to return from their shock at such news.  I am notorious for not cooking.  The microwave is my most-used cooking tool.  So if everyone is back with us, I’ll return to Walter’s tale.

I had just cut an onion and as I held it up, I told Walter (yes I talk to my dogs) that this wasn’t good for him and to stay away.  I thought I was holding it well out of his reach, but he leapt up and licked it!  Then he wanted more!  I was petrified because onions, in large quantities, can be lethal to dogs.  The last thing I needed was an onion hound.

A few days later, he got hold of one of Bill’s chocolate bars.  Now Bill doesn’t eat milk chocolate like a normal person.  Bill has to eat the darkest of chocolate.  The 77% cocoa chocolate.  He says it has more health benefits.  It is also much more likely to kill a puppy.

Keep in mind that Walter had pushed his way into the pantry where there are innumerable yummy treats for a dog.  Not only are there authorized dog treats, but also snacks like pita chips and granola bars sitting right there ready to be snagged.  Did he go for those?  Of course not!  He dug behind the granola bars to the very back of an 18″ deep shelf to grab a chocolate bar.

When we found Walter had consumed 2/3rds of a very large bar, there wasn’t a lot of time to waste.  My plans for that evening did not include trying to make Walter barf, but there we were.  Hydrogen peroxide is supposed to help in that endeavor, so I tried to pour it down his gullet.  Nope, he wasn’t going to let that happen!  I can’t say that I blame him.  Then I figured,  let’s see just how much he loves his food.  I took his regular kibble and poured the hydrogen peroxide over it till it was floating.  He lapped it up.  Then we followed him.  Puke Patrol commenced.

Again, I will reiterate my disclaimer, this is where things get gross and messy!

Bill was posted inside and I was outside.  Walter headed for the dog door, made it out onto his little deck and almost down the stairs to his kennel before he upchucked the kibble along with some of the offending chocolate.  Yay Walter!  Going outside to throw up is an endearing trait in a dog.  Unfortunately, that’s not the end of the story.   For the next half hour, I was running between vomit sites.   I swore he retched up more than his own body weight.  Since he weighs about a hundred pounds, that’s a lot of barf!  I ended up taking two dustpans and scraping the stuff from the surface with one pan into the other for disposal.   There weren’t enough paper towels in the world.

He then headed inside.  This wasn’t good.  Before he was done, he had “decorated” the kitchen floor, the floor in front of his dog door, and best of all…the living room floor.  He didn’t get any of the rugs, but our living room floor is made of old pine boards that are painted.  These are common in houses that are 150 years old.  The bad thing about wide pine boards is that they expand and contract depending on the season.  In the winter, when it is very dry, the cracks between the boards widen a bit.  A nice crevice for regurgitated chocolate.  It was a mess.  I couldn’t believe my stupidity in not locking the door to the living room before he could get in there.  *slaps forehead!*

Once he was done, and he was obviously a very empty puppy, I knew he’d survive.  After a cleaning marathon that I don’t even want to think about now, I had to figure out a new place for Bill’s chocolate stash.  Then I had this great realization.  If I ate the chocolate then Walter would never get it!  Win/win!

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