The Secret Lives of Dog Toys

The silly snake above was found just as you see him.  At first, I thought Walter had positioned him there like that.  Walter is my Great Dane puppy.  He’s six months old and I swear he has demon blood.  He thinks I am his true mother, so I’m not sure what that makes me!

Our house is strewn with dog toys.  We have two dogs and two bushel-sized bins brimming with dog toys.  Walter owns them all.  At least he thinks he does.  Occasionally, he will offer a toy to Levi.  Then he will snatch it away hoping that Levi will play tug-of-war with him. Levi is almost 8.  Levi is also a Great Dane. Levi is less than amused

I find dog toys in odd places and positions.  That snake you see above is obviously about to strike, and I don’t blame him. Walter was probably doing unspeakable and squeak-able things to him.   I’d be a little testy, too.

Then there are the blind sea creatures.

There is a store nearby that sells overstocked items.  You never know what you will see there.  A few weeks ago, I found stuffed animals that were freakishly elongated.  There was a dolphin, a shark, and a beluga whale. These creatures had regular-sized heads, but their bodies extended about three feet longer than normal.  They were kind of creepy.  They were more like an eel than anything else, so they were perfect for tug-of-war.

You might think playing with them would be enough, but Walter had other ideas.  One by one, he removed their eyes.  It’s very disconcerting to find eel-like dog toy eyes staring at you from under the couch.  It haunts my dreams.

What is truly disturbing is that I am always finding these blind creatures lined up side by side as though they are swimming the great sea that is my living room floor,.  If I found them that way just once, it would have been amusing.  After multiple sightings, it is just weird. Were they trying to form a school?  Wait a minute!  THEY weren’t lining up.  They couldn’t be doing this on their own.  Could the dogs really have figured out how to arrange them like that on a regular basis?

Walter’s not talking and Levi just gives me this look of complete innocence. I believe him.  I always believe him.  The blind toys are obviously self-arranging and headed for the kitchen.  I considered buying a security camera with infrared settings so I can monitor the situation.

This is nuts!  It doesn’t matter how odd it is that this keeps happening,  I have no reason to be disturbed by it!  These are just stupid dog toys.  I am more disturbed by the fact that I have to tell myself that these are just stupid dog toys!

It’s not a big deal.  I’m making way too much out of this.  I need to get on with my life.

Then I remembered the moray eels.  A number of moray eels attempted suicide in this very living room. All of them succeeded.  They accomplished this feat by slithering through a tiny hole in the fish tank hood and diving to the floor. Those eels could slither through, around, and over anything! Those eels were only stopped by a lack of water.  They needed water to swim and breathe.  The blind eel-like, self-arranging dog toys don’t need water.

The theme from Jaws drifts through the back of my mind.

Tomorrow I’m buying a lock for that dog toy bin!