One night I called a friend to chat.  When she got on the line, I could’t speak.  I literally couldn’t speak.  It only lasted a few seconds and then all was normal.  I didn’t think much about it.

Time went on and I noticed that I was forgetting things.  I had to have things written down for me.  Work was suffering, but I chalked it up to getting older.  Hey, maybe it was menopause!  For women of my age, everything is blamed on menopause.  If it’s not menopause, then it’s stress.  Wait!  Maybe it was menopause AND stress!  Yikes!  Whatever it was, I had no time for it.  I figured out how to work around my new deficiencies.  I coped.

About a month after my nonverbal phone call, I had a physical.  I offhandedly mentioned to the doc that I’d had a “brain stutter.”  He went into full overblown doctor mode.  Why didn’t I call?  Why didn’t I go to the ER?  It could have been a stroke!  It might have been a stroke!  You must have a CT scan.  You must have a CT scan now!  You must see a neurologist!  It’s your migraines…I just know it’s your migraines!  It went on and on.  He’s not known for holding things in.  Within two days I’d had a CT scan and seen the neurologist. 

The neurologist he sent me to was a migraine specialist.  After all, it just had to be my migraines!  It wasn’t my migraines.

The neurologist sent me for a sleep study.  I’ve always been an insomniac and she thought sleep deprivation might be the answer.  While I was there all wired up, they noticed that my brainwaves were wonky.  Now anyone who knows me knows that my brainwaves are always wonky.  Heck, I have always had the very wonkiest of brainwaves!

The neurologist conferred with another neurologist who set me up for an EEG.  My brainwaves were wonky there, too.  This wasn’t especially surprising to me.  I’d always known my brainwaves were a little suspect.  Now I had proof!

I won’t bore you with the list of drug cocktails they forced on me.  I only know that I missed a dose once when I was sleep deprived and I ended up having my first grand mal seizure.  They call them tonic-clonic seizures now.  Whatever they call them, I had one and then that wasn’t enough, I had another one right after the first one!  My poor husband called an ambulance and I had my third seizure in the hospital.  I don’t do things by half measure!  By golly if I’m going to have one of something, why not three?  Of course, I wasn’t actually thinking this at the time.  I had lost my mind.

I had also lost my life, but more on that in Part 2….


11 thoughts on “The Death of Me (Part 1)

  1. Hey!
    I’m sorry to know you’re going through crap like this.
    I loved your post! I like how you keep making the post funny in between by sarcastic comments!
    Waiting for the next part. I hope everything is okay and will be okay!


    1. Thanks so much for the kind words. I want my posts to be about fun and funny things. But since I am brand new to all of this, I thought I’d better give a bit of info on who I am and where I’m at. 🙂 I look forward to reading more of your writing, too!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well I love your post but it scares me a bit as well. I find that I am becoming a huge space cadet myself and have been chalking it up to exhaustion and hormones, too. I guess the good news is that I will forget about it tomorrow anyway. 😉 I hope that you feel better though. It’s a good message to put out there, and I love that you did it with sass, too! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t let it scare you. Forgetting is one thing, you can worry when you space out and lose time. Or you can’t talk. Or you have one of the more obvious seizures. Only then can you worry. Deal? By the way, I just read your post about people commenting on you looking different from 20 years ago on your ID. To hell with them! I think you look fabulous! You sound fabulous! Sass, indeed! You have it, too! Love it!


      1. Oh honey I’m so not sweating the age thing! It’s just uncanny how this has happened so many random times over the last few months. It’s like Gollum has handed them his ID but that pic was from when he used to be a nice loveable evil ring-free hobbit. So I had to make fun of it. 😉 But back the forgetful thing. It’s gone beyond the basics and your post really does have me contemplating having a doc check out my noggin. Now that you have gone down this road, how do they prevent another bout? Do you have to take blood thinners or is it more about being aware of the signs? You seem to handle it with a tremendous level of grace. I am in awe of that. I genuinely feel like your words will bless so many. Thank you for your kindness lovebug. 🙂


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